gaymo

Good Old Dog

2011-10-15T11:07:00.004-04:00

Buddy Lee Dog of Action is 13 now. It's hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday she was mischievous little puppy with needle sharp teeth. Now she is my good old dog with a bit of a limp who still loves to chase rabbits and go for hikes. And she's always ready to go when I need a co-pilot.

When you have a dog who is 13, you know in the back of your mind that they won't live forever. But you're never ready for them to go. In the last 6 months our good friends Knotts and Knitts, my in-laws, and my brother have all lost their dogs. I felt so bad for them, but I had no idea what to say or how to help them in their time of grief. You may not know this about me, but comforting people...not my strong suite. And it's not as if I've not lost a pet. In April we lost our kitty, Saffy. She was 15. She was the first pet that Betty Please and I brought in to our home. It still seems strange that she isn't here, we miss her.

Now, sadly, it's been brought to the front of our minds that Ripley won't be with us forever. A few weeks ago she started having seizures. And let me just say, I hope none of you ever have to watch a person or creature you love have a seizure. It's awful. Anyway, we don't how long she'll be with us, but we appreciate each and every day that she is. Give your pets some extra love.

Now, if you'll excuse me. Ripley and I have a date with a trail.

2011-10-08T09:56:00.002-04:00

Is it just me, or do Dunkin' Donuts k-cups make the best damn coffee. And I curse them, because the closest DD is an hour away and their k-cups are only available in stores. Who doesn't see their goods on line?

Morning Coffee

2010-12-17T11:20:00.004-05:00

Every morning, Betty Please and I share a cup of coffee. This is a new thing for us. I used to consume close to a pot a day on my own. Now I'm down to between 1/2 cup and a cup a day. It's hard because I LOVE coffee, but I don't have nearly as many headaches as I used to and oddly, I'm less tired in the morning. I'm not going to lie though, caffeine withdrawal was a mega bitch that royally sucked ass. But now that I'm the other side of that 10 days of hell, I feel much better.

Anyway. We got a Keurig coffee maker as an early Xmas gift from the in-laws, so now we can make one cup at a time. I make a travel mug for BP to take to work, and then I make a cup for her to have with breakfast, and for me to have a "taste of". And everyone knows that "I'll just have a taste of yours" ends in I'll have half of what you're having. So we promptly jumped straight to sharing a cup. Since it seems crazy to me to make a mess trying to divide a cup of coffee into two coffee cups, we share.

Now that we're sharing coffee, every morning while enjoying every last ounce of the little taste of coffee I get, I am reminded of this couple we "met" on the cruise we on last year. I say met because we sat behind them on a bus ride during an excursion and listened to them bicker for the entire time. The fight that started it all? Water. They did not think to buy bottled water before they left the ship to spend all day in some remote area out the hot Caribbean sun. A bottle of water was provided by the excursion company, but seriously who doesn't think "gee, I might get thirsty while sweating my ass off in the 90 degree heat between the hours of 9 and 5." I'm just saying. So the short of the long here is they were fighting over water. One of the girls had finished her bottle and was still thirsty while the other girl still had half a bottle left. Now call me crazy, but if BP had finished her water and was still thirsty, and I had half a bottle of water left, there wouldn't even be thought. I would give her my water. What kind of girlfriend wouldn't offer her water to her thirsty other half?

We ended up giving them one of our bottles of water. Cause we're just nice like that. It didn't stop their fighting, but I couldn't stand the thought that someone I didn't even know was thirsty while I had extra water. I really don't know why sharing coffee in the morning makes think about those two, but it does. I wonder if they are still together. I can't imagine that they possibly could be. Or if they are, how they could be happy. What I do know is that sharing coffee in the morning makes me happy, and thankful to have Betty Please to share my life, and water, with.

The Walking Dead

2010-11-29T10:43:00.003-05:00

Anyone else watching The Walking Dead? You had to know that with a zombie movie obsession like mine, that I am. I love it! Though I am beginning to think that all these zombie movies and survival shows that we watch are starting to seep a little to deep into the dark recesses of my brain. Lately, I have been seriously thinking about putting together ready packs full of weapons, food and survival gear for the two of us. You know, just in case there is a pandemic of some sort and we have to get the hell of dodge. Or a war on the home front. Or a Cylon attack. Or worst of all, a Zombie Apocalypse. Although, I'm not really sure if a Zombie Apocalypse would be actually be worse than a Cylon attack or not. I don't know. Either would be really bad though.

Anyway, while watching last nights episode of 'The Walking Dead'...

bp: Can you hand me the Kleenex please?

me: [look over and hand her the Kleenex. Notice that she is either having allergy problems or she is holding back tears, but I say nothing]

bp: [now clearly crying] This show is making me sad.

me: This show?

bp: Yeah. It's so sad. She just had to kill her zombie sister.

2010-11-28T12:37:00.001-05:00

me: What does it mean that my laptop won't shutdown?

bp: It means we should have bought Macs.

Monster Movies

2010-03-31T09:29:00.002-04:00

I have a thing for zombie movies. Well really it's zombies, vampires and werewolves, but zombies are at the top right now. Betty Please has a thing for monster movies. You know, like Cloverfield, The Host, Godzilla, Creature from the Black Lagoon...monster movies. So as you can imagine, between the two of we watch a lot of really bad movies. The great thing about Netflix instant queue is that we can watch these waste of celluloids, and we haven't lost anything but an hour and half or so.

Last night we started watching one of the most fantastically awful movies that we've ever voluntarily watched that wasn't on MST3K. This movie, Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, staring Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas, which aught to tip you off to just how stellar a movie it is, is so bad that it's hilarious. I don't know if it was meant to be funny, but it's a riot. How could you not love a movie where a gigantic shark jumps out of the ocean and grabs a passenger airplane out of the cloud cover in the sky. Or how about the octopus who is so enormous that it can completely engulf a drilling platform off shores of Japan. Perhaps the best part of this movie is the science. Debbie Gibson is so believable as a marine biologist, I almost forgot I was watching sci-fi. Watching her reaction as she mixes together brightly colored potions for who only knows what purpose, is priceless. I so can not wait to get home tonight to finish the film.

Netflix thought we'd give Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus 4 stars. I think we just might.

Oh My Gawd is that movie bad. But it's so bad that it's good.

Almost Human Again

2010-03-28T19:52:00.002-04:00

Well I almost feel human again. I've had a sinus infection for the last week, and I'm just now starting to feel not so completely cruddy. BP is still not 100% yet either. So it's been real exciting around the gaymo house lately. All I can say is, thank god I gave in and we joined Netflix. You just can't beat their instant queue. And since we've both been sick, we've watched a hell of a lot of television lately.

Just to give you an example of how exciting things have been around here, the other day we watched a documentary called Helvetica (as in the type face/font). For fun. And we enjoyed it. It was actually really interesting. If you like design, I recommend it.

Other than watching a lot of television this last week, I've been building my Starfleet (a Facebook game) and working on a new D&D character. I'm super psyched about my new character Loki, a shady Rogue with an avenging Paladin for a split personality. It's going to be so much fun to play.

If anyone is playing Starfleet Commander, let me know and I'll buddy you. If you want to play Starfleet Commander, let me know and I'll send you an invite. I could use the Crew Points.

That's all for now.

2010-03-18T12:58:00.004-04:00

This blog needs more cowbell! Or maybe just some fresh content.

So life's been...well, it's just been. I've been working part time for my dad (which is where I've worked for the last 20 years), and part time as an intern in a marketing department. I love the internship and I really hope it turns into a full time job. Sooner than later would be nice, but for now I'm just thankful for the opportunity.

It seems like Betty Please has been sick more than she hasn't over the last 6 or so months. She had swine flu in October, which took about 3 weeks to recover from. She had some sort of something in January that turned into asthmatic bronchitis, which took about 3 weeks to get over. Or rather, it seemed like she was better for about two weeks and then she was sick with the same thing all over again. And now, she's sick, AGAIN, with the same damn thing! The poor girl.

So, yeah it's been pretty blah around here lately. As some of you my know, I've been in a funk for some time now. A few months ago, I reached the point where writing took way too much mental energy, more than I had at the time, and I just couldn't. It was a tough a decision, but I gave up my contributing editorship with BlogHer. I miss it quite a bit, but it was such a relief to remove the pressure of those looming deadlines every week. And to be able to take a break from having to stay up to date on LGBT news has been so great for my mental health. It really had become all too consuming.

Aside from this damn time change, which is totally kicking my ass, things are looking up. Softball is starting in a month or so. Our CSA will start again in a few months; I'm so looking forward to having just picked, locally grown, organic fruits, veggies, and herbs. And most exciting on my list, my brother and his family are coming to visit in April. They will be staying us for two weeks. I so can not wait to hang out with my brother. I'm pretty excited to spend time with Gabriel too. I can't believe he will be four in about week.

Anyway...I make no promises, but I'm hoping that blowing the dust off here with this post, will help me find my way back to writing again. Perhaps some topic/post ideas would help me out. If anyone is still checking this thing that is. Maybe next time I'll write about the Sweet Cruise we took.

eyePhone

2009-12-12T17:50:00.002-05:00

A drawing of my eyes on my iPhone, on my eyes. eyePhone (name thanks lkmanitou).

lesbian lap dance

2009-12-11T14:12:00.006-05:00

Overheard at the gaymo house last night...

Only during a lesbian lap dance would you end having fleece and wool rubbed on your face.

left alone with my devices

2009-10-08T10:15:00.006-04:00

Check. Check. Check, check. Is this thing still on? Holy shit! I'm still here. Which is hard to believe since Betty Please left me alone with my devices, I mean left me to my own devices, for 4 days. She was off drinking and whooping it up at a conference while I was left holding down the fort. And by holding down the fort, I mean for 4 days I ate Ramen noodles and Oreos, and I had a Battle Star Galactica marathon for most of the time she was gone. Oh, wait. I did also have Thai carry-out one night. But more importantly, how or why I didn't watch Battle Star Galactica before now, is beyond me. I can't. stop. watching. I'm just starting on Season 3 now and I can't get enough. And seriously people, Starbuck should be required have a bare midriff work-out scene in every episode. I love that character.

It was kind of strange, but kind of nice, to be home alone for so long. I know 4 days isn't really a long time, but I don't think we had been apart for longer than overnight in, I don't know how long. Maybe, 14 years. So, we were probably due for some time apart. And though I had the entire bed to myself, and the covers were just perfect, and it was quiet, it really sucked to not have someone to snuggle up with when I kept waking up from nightmares about trying to escape the cylons. And I'm not talking about the hot blond cylon, or Sharon. No, I'm talking about the big scary metal ones with blades fingers and guns, and that red, eye thing. Geesh, you'd think my brain would at least be a mench, and give me a good Starbuck dream or two. Wouldn't ya? But no.

So, BP is back home where she belongs. She returned bearing gifts. She brought back a brick of chedder-bacon cheese, and brick of buffalo wing colby jack. She knows me well. She also bought a t-shirt and pub glass for me, from her favorite Alehouse. Though, I think the t-shirt is probably more for enjoyment, than it is for me. But hey, I'll take all the +2 to irresistibility shirts I can get.

Jonesy

2009-09-15T15:58:00.005-04:00

So here are a few pictures of our "feral" kitty, Jonesy. Or, garage kitteh, as BP likes to call him. He's still a bit skittish, but we've made tremendous progress with his trust. He comes out and talks to me when I'm out in the yard. He'll follow me around like one of the dogs. If I sit down, he'll come to me to get his head scratched. He just can't get enough attention. Often, I find him waiting at the door for me.

It's looking like I might be able to get him rehabbed to people enough to make him an indoor kitty. That's my hope at least. If anyone wants a sweet, but shy at first, orange and white, male cat, let me know. He needs a good home. One that isn't mine. I'm thinking he'd probably do best in a home without children or other pets. I think if I can find someone who is patient and willing to let Jonesy build trust with them, he'll make a great pet. It's finding that someone, that is going to be tough.

+6 Charisma

2009-09-01T13:34:00.002-04:00

I baked homemade chocolate chip cookies last night. Homemade, like from scratch. You know; butter, flower, brown sugar, sugar, eggs...Who knew those cookies would be like spanish fly. Or as Betty Please said, "they give you like a +6 Charisma bonus. "

Anyone who knows me, knows that I need all the charisma bonus I can get.

In other news. Sparked by Maggie's suggestion to name the stray kitty Ripley (which, unbeknownst to her is Buddy Lee Dog of Action's real name), we decided to name it Jonesy. Jonesy was Ripley's cat in movie Aliens. I also discovered that Jonesy is living in our garage. Just in case you are wondering why it took us so long to discover this, our garage is a detatched garage, built in 1920. We do not park in it, so we don't go in there very often. At least now, I'm not so worried about Jonesy surviving outside for the winter.

Just in this short period of time, I've gotten Jonesy to come out of hiding so we can see each other when I feed him/her. He/she won't come close, but that's okay. Jonesy also meows me when he/she sees me. A very talkative cat.

Also, I started my internship this week. I feel like I'm in way over my head. I'm sure I'll pick things up quickly, but right now I feel a bit overwhelmed. Maybe I should take some of those +6 charisma cookies in tomorrow.

zombies ate my blog posts

2009-08-20T15:07:00.007-04:00

I've been in this weird kind of head space lately, which is why I haven't been writing. I've got a lot going on at the moment, but I'm trying to just go with it and not let it get me down. Plus I don't want to be whiny. But, here's what's going on.

I am a bit anxious and frustrated that we are still on hold in the baby department. I turned 38 this summer,and I'm really feeling the tick-tock of time rapidly slipping away as our window of opportunity for me to try to conceive is closing. We are still on hold because I am looking for a new job, and until I have a steady income we don't have the money to try. So, I'm really just trying to keep in mind that we'll be able to move forward soon. But then the stress of applying for job after job is starting to weigh me down.

Changing jobs is never easy for anyone, I know, but I've been working for my dads business since I was 18. That's 20 years now. More than half of my life. It's not so easy to just walk away. While I have never really liked my job, I didn't know what I'd rather do, so I stayed. I've thought about leaving many times, but there's always something that keeps me. But business has been slow for several years now, and my paychecks are getting further and further apart, and sometimes not for the full amount owed, and it's just too stressful. Not to mention that my dad is probably 4-6 years from retiring, and I don't know that I want to take over the business if there is anything left of it by then.

Since my biggest, and only real regret in life is that I didn't take a lab job I was offered after I graduated from college, I thought I would try to get into an entry level lab job just to see. I know it won't pay a lot, but at least I can figure out if I want to work as a biologist. If I find that I like it and would enjoy it, from there I can go back to school for a masters and then who knows what. And if don't like it, I haven't really lost anything. The problem I'm having is that while I have a degree in biology, I graduated in '95 and I have no recent laboratory experience. So, my resume gets screened out for almost everything I apply for because I lack the one year experience that most of the job posting list as a preference. So, for now, I just keep applying.

The one thing keeping me from feeling completely incompetent and unhirable at the moment, is that a friend offered me an internship doing/learning web work. We're going to be working out the details next week, but what I do know is that I can do most of my work from home. I'll have to go in once a week to discuss what needs to be done for the week, and for him to teach me how he wants it done. I think he's giving me the freedom to work at home on my time because BP is a web designer/programmer and he knows she can work with me and answer any questions. And hey, if things go well there, you just never know. It could turn into a career change for me.

So that's what's been going on with me. I know it has nothing to do with zombies, as this post's title would suggest. But I did rent a movie called Tokyo Zombie that I'm dying to watch as soon as I get a free night. Looks good, no?

And now for some cuteness. These guys never fail to make me smile.

White Tornado and her mistress. Shh, don't tell Finnegan.

Buddy Lee, Dog of Action leaving nosing prints all over the side window.

White Tornado spies who knows what.

I'm too soft hearted

2009-08-10T09:59:00.008-04:00

A few months ago, I noticed an orange and white cat hanging around. We have a few neighbors who let their cats out, so at first I assumed this cat belonged to one of them. But all the neighborhood cats are really friendly, and this cat seems to skittish to belong to someone. I have a few neighbors who usually have the low down on all the animals and children in area, but no one seems to have any idea about this cat.

The cat doesn't seem to be starving, but it also isn't a big cat. My guess would be that it's a pretty good hunter. This is the cat who was hunting the squirrel that Buddy Lee finished off a few months ago. I've also noticed that I no longer see bunnies or birds in our yard.

The cat seems to spend a lot of time under our back porch, our deck, and between our and the neighbor's garage. We have a lots of landscaping around our house, that is perfect for a cat to hide and hunt in. When the cat hears us coming too close, it bolts. It doesn't go far though. It will run from under the porch to between the garages, but then it stops to watch us. It won't come any closer, and if I try to slowly approach, it runs off.

Long story short, we've spent the summer trying to figure out if the cat is a stray or not. We're pretty sure it must be. Saturday, we finally decided we would put out some food and water. I worried about doing this because I don't want to draw raccoons or opossums, or other strays. After the last few days though, I don't think that will be a problem. I waited until I saw the cat before I put food out. I made sure to shake the dish and call, "kitty, kitty," before I put the dish under the back porch. It cautiously watched me. I went inside for about 15 minutes or so, so it would feel safe investigating. When I went back out to check on it, the cat took off from under the porch and food had been completely scarfed down. I don't think it will to difficult to train this cat to come eat when called for food.

I have no problem spending a little extra money a month feeding the stray. I know I can't make this cat a house cat, but I also can't sit back and watch this animal fend for its self. If the cat does stick around, which, why wouldn't it now that we're feeding it, and you know it's getting premium holistic cat food, I will have to figure out how to catch it so I can get it spayed/neutered. I believe that if I'm going to take on the responsibility to feed it, I also have an obligation to prevent it from contributing to cat over population. I also have to figure out how to make safe warm place for it to survive the winter.

So I guess it would seem that we have a new cat. We should probably come up with a name. Something gender neutral since we don't know if it's a he or a she. Any suggestions?

I wish

2009-08-03T11:48:00.004-04:00

I wish she could see herself through my eyes. I wish could see how beautiful she is. I wish she could see how smart she is. I wish she could see how funny she is. I wish she could see how talented she is. I wish she could see how interesting she is. I wish she could see how kind she is. I wish she could see why I love her. I wish she could see what I see. But she can not. And no matter how much I tell her that she is beautiful, and smart, and funny, and cool, and interesting, and talented, and deserving of the things she has in life, she does not believe me.

I wish I could take away her depression. I wish I could take away her anxiety and her fears. I wish I could take away her every little worry. I wish I could take away her self doubt. I wish I could take away her regrets. I wish I could. But I can't.

I wish she would stop worrying about time and aging. I wish she would stop seeing herself as a failure because she did not accomplish what she thought she would by now. I wish she could understand that I don't want her to be the 20 year old girl I fell in love with, I want her to be the 37 year old woman who I am in love with now.

I wish she believed me when I tell her I love her.

Me & the only woman who knows who killed Jenny

2009-07-28T13:53:00.004-04:00

I'm still a bit overwhelmed and exhausted from the BlogHer conference. Once I've cogitated on it all a bit longer, and have time to blog, I may write about my experience. Until then, I will share this with you...

Yes, yes, that is me with the only woman who really knows who killed Jenny. Jealous?

Fate catches up with me

2009-07-22T09:17:00.009-04:00

I knew it was too good to be true, to think I could make it through and entire softball season unscathed. In a stunning softball goddess-like display of batting skill, which resulted a crappy little infield fly, I (re)injured my two middle fingers on my right hand. It's the same two fingers I tore ligaments in, while batting, two seasons ago. Actually, my fingers never really fully healed from before, so it's more like I severely aggravated them while batting last night. Either way, I hope I don't have to throw much in tonight's game. This injury is going to ruin my whole weekend.

But wait, there's more. The next time I was up to bat, I got drilled in the leg by a wild throw while over running first base. The picture doesn't quite do it justice. The purple bruising actually makes a complete ring, the size of a softball. It's not actually purple all the way up my leg as is looks in the photo. That's just some weird iPhone camera effect. The two semi parallel red splotchy lines, yeah, those are stitch marks from the ball. I didn't even see the ball coming. Thank god it hit me somewhere fleshy, and not it the head.

We have another game tonight. I can't wait to see what it brings.

Evening Light

2009-07-20T21:55:00.002-04:00

There are a few fleeting moments every evening when the sun peeks through the blinds and creates the coolest shadow when it meets our Eiffel Tower lamp. For about a minute or two, the light has a soft, warm, golden glow. And every night I think, I should take a picture of that. But, by the time I get the camera out it's too late, and the light is gone. Tonight I was able to catch the tail end of the moment with my iPhone, but the the warm light had already passed.

I'm going to have to get our tripod out, and leave our camera set up so I can capture it at it's best. Of course, with leaving the camera out, we run the risk of the cats knocking it over and breaking it. So, maybe I need a plan B.

I can haz nice day?

2009-07-14T13:40:00.005-04:00

A few mornings a week, we swing by a McDonald's drive-thru for coffee on the way to work. Yes, I could make coffee every morning, but some mornings I just can't. I need every bit of that extra 15-20 minutes of sleep I can sneak in while Betty Please is in the shower. Anyway...the guy who usually works the drive-thru always tells us to "have a nice day", as I'm sure all employees are trained to do. But, since English isn't his first language, and he speaks kind of fast, it sounds like he says, "haz nice day." As soon as I started to pull away after hearing say that the first day, I knew what BP was about to say, "I can haz nice day?" Too much LOL cat speak in our house, I tell you.

Now on the mornings BP wants me to stop and get coffee she just says, "I can haz nice day?"

2009-07-10T13:14:00.001-04:00

I'm in heaven. I had cherry tomatoes from our CSA for lunch today. There's just about nothing better tasting. My summer just got a little brighter.

the hazzards of blogging

2009-07-07T12:13:00.005-04:00

I've been searching for posts to link to for the BlogHer post I'm working on, and the more I search, the more my mood worsens. I really don't know how people can write gay news and issues posts on a regular basis with out being in a perpetual state of "moody." Last night, I felt a strong compulsion to leave a comment equal in snottiness to the tone of the post on some stranger's blog. But, I didn't. I had my comment all written out, and I thought better of it and navigated away.

My belief has aways been that not everyone shares the same point of view, and everyone is entitled to their opinion. I certainly don't agree with everyone and I don't expect people to always agree with me. If come across a highly offensive post, I always think, well, I was never the intended audience anyway. Arguing with the author through comments won't get either of us anywhere. Most people don't really won't to debate, they just want to pontificate. When I read posts that rub me the wrong way, I just think, "what a dumb ass" and move on. And I never think another thing about it. But for some reason, this particular blogger's smugness and complete ignorance are still irritating me. I think it was mostly the fact that this person was so smug in calling someone else an idiot, thinking the "idiot" made up a word to sound more intelligent and therefore superior. And in the blogger's ignorance, they neglected to do a simple google search before writing their post criticizing the idiot. Had they done quick google search, they would have found that the word was not made up. Just because a word doesn't exist in your vocabulary, doesn't mean that word isn't a word with a definition, commonly understood and used by many others.

OK. Maybe now that I've written about it I can let it go.

Anyway, the post I'm working on for BlogHer is on heterosexual privilege. If you've got 2 cents worth on this topic, please write about it and send me the link. Or if you've written about it in the past, send me the link. I'll include you in my post.

Wait 'til I get my Hanes on me

2009-06-30T23:22:00.004-04:00

While sorting the mail, Betty Please pulled out the new Hanes catalog and set in on the counter in front of me.

BP: This is for you.
BP: For later.
me: For later? What are you trying to say about me?
BP: [gives me the, who do you think you're fooling look] Oh please. I know you're all like, "Oh yeah. Just (to the tune of the Hanes tag line) wait 'til I get my Hanes on me."
me: [laughing] you do know me, don't you.
BP: Yes I do. Do you want to be alone with your catalog now?
me: Nah. I'll save it for later.

Hey, don't judge me. I've got a weakness for bare midriff. What can I say?

*edit* So, um, was it not clear that "wait 'til I get my Hanes on me" was a masturbation reference? Just checking.

Matching

2009-06-30T10:23:00.002-04:00

Over the weekend, my favorite cousin mercilessly teased BP and I for buying the same brand, same style, same color, zip-up hooded sweat shirts. Or, as she would say, "matching." She went to comment that we were like the cliche' lesbian couple with our Subaru Forester, our dogs, and our matching sweat shirts... and that if we became any more cliche' she was breaking up with us. No mercy. (For those who haven't been around long enough to have read stories about my favorite cousin, she's cool, and is a great ally. She's allowed to tease me for this sort of stuff.)

So, yes, we did buy the same sweat shirt, in the same color, in our own sizes. We do, in fact, each own a lot of the same clothes; t-shirts, sweat shirts, shorts, and shoes. Most of our clothes are quite similar in style and color. But does that make us matching? I don't think it does. It is not our intention to dress the same, or to twin each other. We both just happen to have very similar taste. On days we do both throw on outfits which are close to matching, one of us will go change before we leave the house. We really do not want to be twins.

Our similar taste goes far beyond clothing. We have similar taste in music, books, movies, television shows, art, architecture, food, cars...but that doesn't mean that we don't also have our own individual taste or style either. Personally, I'm glad we are so similar these areas. I don't have to suffer through road trips listening to music I can't stand. And neither does she. We don't argue over what to watch on TV, or what movies or video games to rent. We don't spend our evenings with one of us leaving to go watch TV in the other room. Making big purchases like our house, our cars, our furnishings, is easy because we have the same sense of style (or lack there of). We are usually drawn to the same things. What can I say?

I don't know. I think our tastes are similar enough that it makes life easy, but divergent enough that it keeps life interesting. What about you? Do you and your gf/partner/spouse/whatever-you-call-your-other-half have similar taste? Would you call it matching?

2009-06-28T22:39:00.003-04:00

Our vacuum went out with a bang this morning. Literally. I was vacuuming along, and without any kind of warning, the vacuum motor blew. It scared the shit out of me. I didn't see it, but an eye witness reports there were sparks and flames shooting out the front. It was a pretty spectacular death.

Since we have 3 cats and 2 dogs, all of whom shed like it's their purpose in life, we bit the bullet and dropped a wad of cash on a nice vacuum cleaner that might actually pick up hair. We bought a Dyson DC28 Animal. It was ridiculously expensive. But after using it this evening, I believe it was worth every penny. Man does that thing suck. In a good way. And the design is super slick. I'm telling you, I think that thing sucked up dirt from the previous home owners.

My life in bullet points

2009-06-22T09:26:00.003-04:00

So, for the 5 of you who still stop by here to see what kind of mediocre crap I've posted lately, I'm back up and running. Sorry for the interruption.

Not much to report here lately. I'll give you the high lites in bullet points.

I'm a year older, and none the wiser.
BP and I finally went to our first Pride Parade a few weeks ago. I posted my thoughts about that at BlogHer.
My garden is feeling neglected, and is very weedy. But, the poppy I planted 4 years ago finally bloomed this year.
I'll be missing my 20th High School reunion this weekend to go to my grandma's birthday celebration instead. I can't believe it's been 20 years since I graduated from HS. Holy crap! Where did the time go?
Though I'm not going to the reunion, I am going to be meeting up with an old friend I went to HS with,who was my college roommate for two years. We had, I guess, a falling out of sorts, and had lost touch with one another. We recently reconnected through FB. It will be fun to catch up, we've both lived a whole nother life since we've seen each other last.
HD TV is awesome, but I miss the functionality of our TiVo. The DVR we have now just doesn't work the same way, and I miss TiVo.
I am addicted to Mafia Wars on FB. Who ever designed that game must have studied gaming theory.It's like playing slot machines. Or crack. Either way, an intervention might be in order.
Though not evident from this post, I think I'm finally past my writers block, or struggle or what ever it was that was causing my inability to put words to the screen.
I was excited to see that G4 is playing Arrested Development reruns. It's one of the best shows you may have never seen. Seriously, if you never watched it, you need to check it out.
I haven't struck out in the last two games. [knock on wood]

So there it is, the last few weeks of my life in bullet points. It's strange to see it broken down like that.

Silly girl. You can't hit a double.

2009-06-10T11:57:00.004-04:00

I got a double in my softball game the other night. It was a double on error, but hey with the season I've had so far, I'll take it. But not that double without any skill requirement. Not just anyone could have turned that play into a double. It was crap hit, and was going to be a really close call at first. But I could see as I was about two or three strides from the base that the ball was going to be an over throw, so full speed ahead I rounded 1st and booked it to 2nd. After I got on base, I said to myself, "a double on error, I'll take that any day." The pitcher replied (in a shitty serious and not in a friendly trash talking tone), "well that's the only way you'll ever get a double." "Oh that asshole did not just say that to me. Did he?" I'm not sure if I just thought that, or if I actually said that out loud. Either way, it irked me. The sexist jerk!

Now it's true, that in our league, it's not too common for a woman of my scrawny ass size, or any woman really, to hit an out right double. But, for the last, I don't how many years, I've hit a double about every other game. And I mean a straight up double, not a double on error, a double. And last season I also had at least two triples. So, arg! that guy just pressed a my buttons with that comment. I so desperately wanted to prove him wrong. Had I been able to place my last hit about a foot closer to the right fielder, I would have had double that game. As it went down, the right center fielder barely kept the ball from gapping them. Bastard!

But I shouldn't complain, I batted a thousand that game. Which is more than I can say for the games we've played up til then. Unfortunately, my batting has sucked major ass this season. When I say sucked major ass, I'm saying I've struck out swinging. THREE TIMES! this season. It's slowpitch. It's embarrassing, I tell ya. And the the only thing I can come up with is that I've started wearing my glasses when I play, and it must have screwed up my depth perception just enough that my timing is off on my swing. Now I am no stranger to getting struck out looking. Sometimes the pitches just aren't called consistently or correctly, and what should have been a ball gets called a strike. Nothing I can do about that. But to strike out swinging. I just can't have that.

I think another trip to the batting cages is order.

2009-06-03T21:46:00.002-04:00

So how psyched was I to find out Ilene Chaiken is going to be one of the keynote speakers at the BlogHer Conference this year. Oh yeah. I immediately emailed BP to let her know just how jealous she was going to be when she found out what she was going to be missing out on. She could have gone to the conference too, but oh no, she just wanted to come with and hang out in Chicago while I go to the conference. She is kicking herself now.

After the initial excitement of the news started to wear off, a new thought entered my mind; my last two L Word posts at BlogHer were a little less than kind to Ms Chaiken. Surely she wouldn't have read them. Right?

Are any of you going to BlogHer this year. I'm really nervous about going because, believe it or not, I am pretty shy. Especially when I don't have BP to lean on.

HD, coming soon to a living room near me

2009-06-02T17:59:00.006-04:00

I'm sitting here waiting for the Directv guy to finish installing our HD dish. It's now 6 PM. He was supposed to be here between 8 and noon. He called at 11 to tell me he wouldn't be here until 2ish. He didn't get here until 3:45. He's now rerunning the cable he just installed because he got to the corner of the house where he was going to run it down to meet the existing dish cabling, and got scared of the power lines. I feel for the guy. Really I do.

Our old dish was mounted on the railing of our deck at a corner of the house. It's out of the way, and not too visible. Unfortunately, the new dish can't mount there. Since the HD dishes are larger and need a more clear shot to the south west, the new installation protocol is on the roof or mount on a pole. I was reluctant to have the guy mount it on the roof, but we have two rather large trees in our backyard, and a pole wasn't really an option. The dish is up, and it's so obnoxious looking. BP is going to freak out when she sees it. I've prepared her, but she's already had me ask what it would cost to have it moved.

I'm sure we'll get used to seeing the big obnoxious thing in the middle of our roof, but geeze it seems like there must have been better options. I actually don't care too much at the this point. I'm just glad that we'll FINALLY be able to get our local networks, and HD TV. Oh, and that we'll have a 100 hour DVR. We are forever having to clear the clutter off of our 30 hour TiVo.

At least this satellite guy didn't keep asking for my husband like the last one did.

*update* The Directv guy finally left at a quarter til 8. HD is so worth it though.

karma bites

2009-05-28T12:01:00.002-04:00

I'd like to know what I did to Murphy that he keeps smacking me down with his law. Aside from that fact that for the past 2 weeks it won't rain all morning, until I get about 50' into taking the dogs for a walk. And then, sky opens up and pour buckets. Seriously. You think I'm exagerating, but I'm not. Do you know how much it sucks to spend the rest of the afternoon at work in wet clothes? Let me tell you, it's not pleasant.

And then...yesterday, BP finially got a check for some freelance work and we thought we would have a bit of breathing room in our bank account and maybe a little money to spend on something fun, and the fucking AC went out last night. You know that won't be cheap to fix. We just can't win I tell ya.

Can someone tell me what I've done to the universe, to bring on such karma. If I knew I could fix it, change my ways. Unless it's because I'm gay. In that case there is nothing I can do. Is there some sort of rating system for karma, like a credit rating, but a karma rating? Someone's got to have a karma rating repair service. I mean, isn't karma like the credit of the universe?

Sunday Hike

2009-05-24T22:20:00.003-04:00

Betty Please has us training to walk a half marathon in the fall, so we're doing some sort of walking, hiking, or biking every day. She downloaded a training schedule, and we're trying to stick to it. It's been really fun. I've always taken hikes or take a long walk with the dogs most days, but BP never used to come with us. Now she does. It's a lot more fun now that she's joining us.

The other fun part of this training thing is that we got our bikes fixed up so we can ride again. We bought some pretty sweet mountain bikes about 15 years ago, and we used to ride a lot. Well the bikes were sweet 15 years ago when we bought them. Anyway, for the last 12 years or so they've been sitting, unused. I forgot how much fun biking was. One thing I will say though, oh man do I need to buy a women's seat for my bike. That, and I need to find my cycling shorts. Pronto.

We've been going to a state park which is about a 10 minute drive from our house for our bike rides and hiking with the dogs. I really like this park, and I can't believe more people don't use it. It's different from most of the parks in our state, in that it's not a wooded park. It's a prairie. It's great for wildlife viewing. We've seen lots of deer and all kinds of birds. I know there is an eagle's nest on the edge of the park property, but we haven't seen any eagles yet.

As we headed out today to walk the dogs, BP said she wished we could go to a different state part that neither of us had been to since we were both in high school. Since there wasn't a reason not too, we went. It was a nice drive. We took kind of the long, scenic way there; about a two hour drive. We knew it would be crowded, being Memorial Weekend and all, and that it's like the most popular state park, but holy crap was it crazy. I wasn't sure White Tornado would be able to hike. She is terrified of children, and not really too crazy about adults who she doesn't know either. She was pretty freaked out a few times, but we were able to find some less crowded trails and get a nice hike in.

We are planning a trip back, without the dogs. There are some trails we want to go on that the dogs just can't do. Well, not unless they learn to climb ladders. Anyway, here are a few pictures BP took with her iPhone. Next time, we'll take our good camera.

Mmm, Bacon

2009-05-16T01:02:00.004-04:00

Ever hold one of these? It's a millipede. It creeped me out to think about holding it. But actually, it was pretty cool. Betty Please made me hold all sorts of bugs that day, including a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach. At least we didn't make it over to the cricket spitting contest. Yeah. That's where you put a dead cricket in your mouth and see how far you can spit it. It's a big event at the Spring Fest; that and cockroach racing.

Now getting to hold baby ducks, so much better than holding bugs. They were like the cutest things ever. I wanted to sneak her out and take her home with me. But what would I do with a duck. If I lived on a farm, that would be one thing.

Oh, wait. The baby pigs were like the cutest things ever, too. They almost make me feel guilty for loving bacon so much. OK, they do make me feel guilty. But I'm not too likely to become a vegetarian anytime too soon. Though I've got to tell you, I have been thinking about lately.

Prey for a get away

2009-05-08T09:19:00.003-04:00

I hate it when the dogs kill things. I know that it's the whole circle of life, and it keep populations healthy and under control, and all that stuff, I just don't want to be an eye witness to the carnage.

Right before I opened the door to go out with the girls this morning, I noticed a cat crouched down in the grass at the back of the yard. Yeah, I didn't mow last weekend and it rained about everyday this week, so, tall grass. Anyway, it was too late to not take the girls out, it was time to go. As soon as opened the door, the dogs spotted the cat and bolted. The cat immediately took off, as I expected. What I didn't expect, was that there was squirrel hiding there in the grass. I'm guessing the cat was stalking/toying with it. Buddy Lee spotted it, pronto. By the time I noticed that she had a squirrel, she had already crunched it's back half. I couldn't just let the poor thing suffer, so I had to let the dog finish it off. A more certain swift death with less suffering. I just wish that didn't come with the sound of skull crunching.

It's hard to think that my sweet dogs are such efficient killers. Buddy Lee doesn't get too much these days, but White Tornado is a master mole killer. She gets about one a week in the cemetery. She can dig one up and nab it in less than 5 seconds. It's actually pretty amazing, yet completely horrifying. I know these critters need predators to keep their populations healthy, I just with is wasn't my dogs who were keeping their herds thinned.

Star Trek?

2009-05-07T07:59:00.002-04:00

Betty Please and I have been together for 16 years now. The other day she said something that made me question whether I even really knew her at all. I mean, 16 years is a long time. You'd think you know someone pretty well after that kind of time. But I was blind sided. She told me that she "secretly wants to see the new Star Trek movie." Who the hell is this person I've been sleeping with, because while she looks like BP, she can't be.

She says that this Star Trek movie is not just for trekkies, it's for everyone. She cites the onion video as part of her defense.

Me? A Pig?

2009-05-04T23:32:00.004-04:00

A small group of us went out to eat after softball practice this weekend. After the waitress had taken our drink order and walked away from the table...

BP: Wow! She had really pretty eyes. They were a really beautiful color.
me: Hmm. Really? She had eyes?
Sylvia: Oh my god. You are such a pig!
me: Who? Me? Why?
Sylvia: She had eyes? Yes Zoe, she has two of those too. I can't believe you're such a pig.
me: I can't believe you're surprised by this.

So eyes, heck faces, aren't the first thing I notice. Eyes probably aren't the second or third thing I notice, if I really think about it. I mean, it's not like I got caught checking her out, or that I made mention of her smoking hot bod. I wouldn't have said word one about the waitress. I would have just had that brief little moment in my head. I think you all know the moment I'm talking about. So, does that make me a pig?

2009-04-28T12:39:00.002-04:00

I've been feeling so disconnected lately. I haven't been wanting to blog. I haven't been wanting to hang out with my friends. I don't really want to do anything but be at home. Now if were to step outside of myself and try to objectively analyze this, I would diagnose myself as depressed. But I don't really feel depressed. At least not the kind of depression I've experienced in the past. I just don't really feel like doing anything. When I've had plans, I've followed through with them, and I have had fun. But I had to force myself to go. I even had to force myself to say yes, and to follow through with kayaking last weekend, because I thought it would be good for me. And I love kayaking more than just about anything. I mean, it's up there with sex and hockey.

I'm sure this will pass, but I'm wondering how long this can continue before I should begin to worry.

labels

2009-04-17T13:28:00.003-04:00

Betty Please and I went to a panel discussion last week and I've been obsessing about it pretty much since. One of the things I can't let go of is the idea that labels and identities are important. Now maybe it's just me being the type of person I am, or maybe it's an age thing (meaning that I not only have a sense of who I am, but that I know who I am), but I don't like labels. I particularly don't labels when they are used to define ones self. And by that, I mean that one label becomes the focus of your being, your sole identity.

I understand that we have to give names to things in order to communicate ideas to others. I get that. What I don't understand is giving that name, that label, any other weight or power. If I tell someone that I am a lesbian, it's only meant as a sort hand way to convey that, I sleep with a woman. It means nothing more.

But what do know? Am I wrong about this? Can someone explain to me why labels and identities are important?

Closing in on the final Buffy

2009-04-07T08:49:00.005-04:00

After months and months and months, we're finally down to the last two episodes of Buffy. I think we started watching season 1 in October. I had seen a few episodes here and there when it originally aired, but I never really got into it at the time. I really don't know why though. We have thoroughly enjoyed the hell out of it, and are now HUGE Buffy fans. And as excited as I am to see how it all ends, I'm sad that we're at the end.

It has been nice to be able to watch 7 seasons of Buffy at the whim of my compulsive desires; not having to wait for a week between shows, and 6 months between seasons. One of the down sides to catching up on cult classic like this, is that I've known most of the major plot lines and plot twists going into each season. I knew about Angel leaving, I knew about Oz, I knew about Tara, I knew about Dawn, I knew about Spike and Buffy, I knew about Buffy's mom...The fortunate, and somewhat surprising, thing is that I knew absolutely nothing about the last season. I knew none of the plot lines before they happened. The Willow-Kennedy thing was happy surprise for me. Faith, was a nice surprise (love her and her bare midriff). I know nothing about how it's going end, so please don't ruin it for me in the comments.

We are watching the last two episodes tonight. I just hope the ending doesn't disappoint. Though, I don't think anything can have as horrible an ending as The L Word. So, however it ends, it can't be that bad. Can it? Wait, don't tell me.

*edit* I loved the way the show ended. Unlike certain other shows (don't make me say it, you know I'm talking about that show with all the lesbians), there was closure. I was a little sad Spike and Anya died. I might have cried a little bit. OK, I cried more than a little bit. But, the show ended in a way that was fitting.

funk

2009-03-31T23:54:00.004-04:00

I've been in kind of a funk lately. I'm not really motivated to do much of anything. I want to write, but I don't want to write. I want to go out do stuff, but I don't really want to leave home. The weather is starting to get nice, and softball will start soon, and the garden will need to be planned and prepped, , so maybe that will help.

Of course I think the biggest factor in my funk is that we've been on hold for a while with the baby thing. There was some uncertainty with Betty Please's job for several months, so we put ourselves on hold. We wouldn't have really worried so much, except that my health insurance is through her. Anyway...it seems we are ready to get back to it, so perhaps that will improve my mood.

In other news, I finally bought a laptop. I am now typing away on my new Fujitsu A1120 from the comfort of my living room couch. I love it. It's perfect for what I need, and it didn't cost a fortune. And when I emerge from this funk, I hope to be blogging on a more regular basis again.

Oh yeah, one last thing. I about had a heart attack Sunday night when I opened my hotmail and saw a BlogHer friend request from my mom. I did not know that my mom was reading. According to her account, she's been a member for 33 weeks. If I had known, I certainly wouldn't have posted the mother-daughter post I wrote a few months ago. And I surely would have censored some of my other posts. And lets not forget that means she has a direct link to here. It's not that I really care that reads my stuff, it's more that I've written some stuff that's would probably be hurtful if she read it. Well, and of course there's also the whole not telling my my parets about us trying have a baby until after we're pregnant, or ready to adopt, or however we end up with our family. So all this time I've been keeping this stuff from her, and she already knows. Isn't life great.

2009-03-23T12:42:00.003-04:00

We went to roller derby over the weekend. Our Naptown Roller Girls took on the St Louis team, The Arch Rival Roller Girls. The St Louis team is ranked, I think 20th, and they beat us by like 35 points. It was a good bout. They were very good at controlling the pack.

For the most part, the derby was awesome, as it always is. What spoiled our fun a bit, were the idiots sitting between Nate and I, who were sitting on the floor in the suicide seats, and Betty Please and lkmantiou, who were sitting in the first row of chairs behind us. Since the idiots were behind me, I didn't witness them in action until half time when I went over to talk to BP and lk. Apparently, I had missed the idiots daring each other to go grab crotch of a transgendered person who was one section over from us. And I guess at one point during the first half, one of the guys actually got up and followered her to the bathrooms to see which one she would use. I missed that stuff, but I did witness to them all taking pictures of her with their cell phones, and laughing about it.

It really infuriated me that those people were so small minded. I so badly wanted to say something, but I didn't. There were way more of them than there were of us, they were drunk, and men were big and burly. So, I decided that my mouth shouldn't write checks that my ass can't cash. But since then, I've been kicking myself for my silence. I should have said something. It probably wouldn't have made a bit of difference in their narrow little minds, but someone should tell them that their behavior is not appreciated and/or acceptable.

This incident would have bothered my anyway, but I think it got to me more than usual because I had just written a post for BlogHer about how I couldn't hold BP's hand in public. It's not that I don't do it out of fear for our safety, but that I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be judged by the likes of drunk idiot hillbillies. Anyway, in the post's comments, I was challenged to hold BP's hand out in public and then write about it. Then I started thinking that hand holding was going to be nothing, what am I going to do when we actually kids. I don't know, I've still got some processing to do I guess.

Does anyone else have trouble holding hands? Or is this just my hangup?

Laptop recommendations needed

2009-03-20T09:48:00.003-04:00

My laptop died a slow and ugly death about a year or so ago. It was a several month long battle, but it finally just stopped booting. Life with out a laptop has pretty much sucked. I mean heaven forbid that I would have to use the desktop. But using the desktop means that I can't hang out in the living room with Betty Please and be online at my leisure. So there went my blogging.

We've finally got the money for me to get a new laptop. So, I've been shopping around for one, and holy crap there is just so much to choose from. I think my brain is going to explode. I'm kind of leaning towards a Sony VAIO FW series, but I really don't know why other than they seem to have decent specs and they look sharp. I'd love to buy a Mac, but I just feel like you don't get a lot for the money. That, and we are replacing our PC desktop with a 24" iMac, so we will have a Mac if want to use one. If anyone has any suggestions, or recommendations, I'd greatly appreciate the help.

Privacy Fences

2009-03-12T13:19:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago, some of our neighbors on the alley lost their fence during high winds. The fence has already been replaced, but was replaced by a different style of "privacy fencing" than before. As we drove past this morning

BP: I don't know why they picked that style of fence. You can see right through it.
me: So?
BP: So, you couldn't have sex behind that fence.
me: sure you could.
BP: Not privately.
me: True. But even if you couldn't see through the fence, it's not sound proof. So it's not like it's completely private anyway. I'm just saying.

What an idiot I am. Why did I point that out.

Fairness, or just plain crazy?

2009-03-11T13:36:00.004-04:00

We buy these Mother Nature brand dog treats for our dogs, which come in four assorted shapes; triangle, bone, doughnut, and heart. I've gotten to the point where when I give the girls treats, I have to give them each the same shape treat. And by have to, I mean I am obsessively compelled to. I'm pretty sure I've always done that, because I'm just that fair as a person, but I didn't really notice that I did it until BP told me that we couldn't give one dog a heart shaped biscuit, and not the other. Cause, you know, if you give one dog a heart then the other dog will think you don't love them as much as the one who got the heart shaped treat. Yes, we are just that crazy.

Now we do realize that the dogs don't know a heart from a triangle, from a bone, from a doughnut shape. Hell, all they know is that if we're giving it to them, then it must be good and they must have it. They barely have time to taste their treats; it's right passed the lips, crunch, crunch, swallow, beg for more. But, we know the difference. I know it's crazy, but I am compelled to make sure that there is fair and equal treat distribution. Even if the dogs don't know the difference.

I almost felt my fairness in treat distribution validated, when while listening to Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! a few weekends ago, I heard that dogs have a sense of fairness. That's right. Dogs know they aren't being treated equally.

So. is our equality in treat giving fairness, or just a crazy quirk? Does anyone else do this too, or are we alone on this one?

Have you watch the webisode yet?

2009-03-09T21:42:00.004-04:00

Does anyone understand just what the fuck they are trying to accomplish here. Was it really necessary for us to find out this little tidbit of info from Tina? What is the relevance? It was shocking. It was disturbing. But not necessary. Do they just hate their fans, or what? Any thoughts?

One of those days

2009-03-09T09:28:00.002-04:00

I think today is going to be one of those days. I didn't sleep much last night, I kept thinking about The L Word. And during the parts of the night I did sleep, I was analyzing The L Word in my dreams. I got up about 6:00 to make a bathroom run, and decided to feed the cats while I was up. I was trying not to wake up too much because I was hoping to snuggle-sleep for another hour. But on my way to feed the cats, my foot slipped and I fell down the basement stairs. It was kind of an airborne a few stairs, land on my ass and slide the rest of the way down, kind of a fall. My back is wrecked from the jolt, and I'm going to have a huge bruise on my butt, but I'm all right otherwise. Then, after I got to work, I was trying to fix the back seat and I whacked the bridge of my nose into the door jam of the car. The hurt like a mother fucker. I can't wait to see what the rest of the day holds.

Handwriting

2009-03-03T20:39:00.006-05:00

I heard an interesting segment on an NPR news show today about the disappearing art of penmanship. They talked about how kids write less and less these days with pen and paper, and rely heavily on typing everything. The guest theorized that if we continue on this path, future generations will be unable to read each others handwriting by the time they reach adulthood.

It's sad to think that texting is probably replacing note passing. Remember the trill of reading notes passed during class, I mean between class. I started thinking about how handwriting is an expression of self, and it's expression we just don't share much with anyone. There was a time I used to be able to match my friends to their handwriting. Today I could match very few of my friends to their writing. And for that matter, I'm quite sure none of my friends would match me to this font. I'm not even sure Betty Please could pick my handwriting out of a line up. She says she could, but I don't know.

I used to be able to write very legibly and quickly this way. But by about my senior year of high school I began transitioning to printing in all caps. By collegeI printed in all caps exclusively. It became my handwriting and I never went back. I'm not sure why I switched, it made me feel like more of a science nerd I suppose. So printing all in caps was an image thing I guess.

So, my friends have never seen this script come from my pen(cil), they have only seen this font. That's the other thing, I never write in pen. I can not stand to see things crossed out. And since I am a horrible speller, my handwritten stuff would be full of cross outs if I didn't use a mechanical pencil. That's the other thing, I have to use a mechanical pencil, .7mm lead. It has to be .7mm lead because I press hard when I write. I dull regular pencils quickly, and I break .5mm.

It feels very strange writing this. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that this is most I've written in cursive in probably 20 years. It looks foreign to me, this flowing from my hand. Flowing doesn't really seem like the right word since my writing doesn't really flow. It seems like it's full of hesitation, stuttering almost. I kind of like this writing though. I think I might make a return to this font. With a little practice, I think I might be able to get my coordination for writing back.

So what about you? Do you still write much? Have you developed your own shorthand or style? Would your friends be able to recognize your handwriting?

do you chew yogurt?

2009-03-03T13:13:00.003-05:00

Is it odd that I chew yogurt when you eat it? And I mean plain old vanilla yogurt with out fruit or anything in it. I chew pudding, milk shakes, and ice cream too. It seems sort of unnecessary to chew those items when I think about it, yet I can't not. I only ask if it's odd to chew these things because I've been teased for chewing milkshakes. But the way I see it, it's food, it should be chewed. So is it me, or is it them who are the weirdos?

Air Supply?

2009-02-20T11:47:00.003-05:00

While in the shower this morning
me: I've got that stupid Air Supply song stuck in my head.
BP: Which one?
me: You know the one. The, I just can't fight this feeling any more, song.
BP: You mean REO Speedwagon?
me: That makes it even better. I don't even know which crappy band sang that crappy song.
BP: Great. Now it's stuck in my head.
me: Would you rather have Tom Sawyer stuck in your head?
BP: God damn it! Now I have Wrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee [BP's Getty Lee impersonation] A modern-day warrior, Mean mean stride, Todays tom sawyer, Mean mean pride.
me: your welcome [evil laugh]

I don't think there is a song around that BP finds more annoying than Tom Sawyer.

2009-02-18T13:46:00.002-05:00

I had a dream this morning that BP and I were at Turkish restaurant in Chicago, which I had been looking forward to, but when the food came the waitress set a cheeseburger platter down in front of me. I was really confused, and told the waitress that she had given me someone elses food. She told me that, no, in fact that was what I ordered. I looked at BP and confirmed that waitress was right. Then I started freaking out because I didn't remember ordering at all, and why on earth would I order a cheeseburger at a Turkish resteraunt.

I'm not really sure what that dream is all about, but now I'm really craving some cacik and some hummus.

In other news...my mom friend requested me on Facebook. I accepted. Now most all versions of me are converging in one spot. Facebook is evil.

New Specs

2009-02-11T13:39:00.003-05:00

The conversation that follows happened shortly after leaving the eye doctors, where we picked up our new glasses. We couldn't have been more the 5 blocks into our drive home with our new specs.

me: [Looking at one of those high school sports window stickers on the car sitting at the stop light right in front of us. You know the kind with the kid's name, number and sport.] Do you think they pronounce that Marsh Man? Or do you think it's Marshmin?
BP: I'm guessing they pronounce it Harshmin.
me: What?
BP: That's an H, not an M.
me: Huh. Really?
BP: Yep. Really.
me: So much for these new glasses.

My eyes aren't that bad, but I'm going to try to wear my glasses all the time now. My eye doctor has never corrected for my astigmatism until now. I guess it's not really that bad, but because I spend a lot of time doing close up work and how my eyes have to focus, blah, blah, blah, she thought it would make things better to correct for it this time. Hopefully my eyes won't get so tired and I won't have the problem with seeing floaters anymore when I do computer work . We shall see. So far, things appear a little sharper than before, but feel like my non lazy eye is dominating my vision, I get headaches from the glasses after I've had them on for a few hours, and I'm still seeing floaters. I'm giving myself a week to get used to them. But it seems she may need to redo my prescription.

Seriously?

2009-02-10T16:50:00.003-05:00

This is sort of shocking to me.

Your result for The Am I A Lesbian Test...

Straight or Male

You are 41% lesbian!

Either you are a male and therefore cannot be a lesbian (I'm still not convinced by the whole lesbian-identified male thing) or else you are a very very straight woman!

Take The Am I A Lesbian Test at HelloQuizzy

I'm not quite sure how I failed the lesbian test. I mean hello, I'm pretty freaking gay. They don't come too much more chapstick than me. I'd be interested to know what the parameters for identifying as a lesbian on this quiz are.

Did any of you, who are gay, pass the test? Well actually, I would also like to know if any of you non-gaymos scored that you are lesbians.

the meter guy

2009-02-10T09:32:00.003-05:00

Betty Please and I have a date set for tonight. Even though I've got a sure thing going, I'm no slouch. So I threw on my shirt of cuteness and my boxer briefs of hotness this morning, and headed downstairs to give BP a little preview. I found her sitting at our dining room table checking her email. I walked over, stood next her, and started to pour on the charm. Which, if you know me, you know I don't have much charm to pour.

*wanrning* possible TMI to follow.
me: I thought you might want to take note that I'm wearing my shirt of +5 cuteness.
BP: +5! when did that shirt become a +5? It's a +2.
me: No it's always been a +5.
BP: No. I'm pretty sure it's always been a +2.
me: No, it's always been a +5.
BP: What do think, you think you can just randomly start assigning numbers to things?
me: Well okay, forget the shirt for now. [unbutton my jeans] Take peek at this.
BP: OOooh. The boxer briefs of hotness.
BP: [she grabbed my button fly, pulled me closer and stuck her hand in my jeans] Maybe together the shirt cuteness and the boxer briefs of hotness give you a +5.
[It wasn't until just then, that I noticed the vertical blinds at the sliding glass door (in the dining room) had been propped open by the dogs, who like to keep watch over the back yard and the ally, but who weren't keeping watch just then. And I noticed this because, just at that moment the meter guy went strolling right past the sliding glass door, getting a glance of me standing there with my jeans unbuttoned and BP with her hand in my pants, as he walked by!]
me: HOLY SHIT! Who the hell is in our back yard?!

And that, was the end of that. The preview was over. What are the odds that of all the moments the meter guy could have walked past our door, that's the moment he did. The bastard! And where were those lazy dogs who didn't give us any warning that someone was in the yard?

Feeling Like a Goon

2009-02-09T12:05:00.002-05:00

While out and about this weekend, Betty Please and I stopped for a bite to eat. While I was waiting for our food I couldn't help but watch, and eventually talk to the two other women who were also waiting at the counter. They were an elderly woman, probably early to mid 80's, and her daughter, who I'm guessing was in her early 60's. I watched as the daughter helped her mother, who was not only nearly deaf but also obviously beginning to slip a little mentally. It was a such a sweet and tender moment, and felt myself start to get a little teary as watched their interactions. It reminded me of my mom with her mother during my grandma's last year or so. Then I started thinking about how someday that would be me and my mom. And maybe even one day my daughter (if I am so lucky) and me.

After I got to our table I realized I had forgotten to order something and had go back to the counter. When I got up there, the daughter was still there waiting for their food. She said to me, "you know, my dad always said getting old isn't for the timid. And boy was he right. Now that my mom has time to do all the things she enjoys, she can't. She can't see well enough to sew or do needle work, and she has arthritis and her hearing is almost gone. It just isn't fair. You know?" I don't even know what I said to her, I was just trying to keep it together by this point. When I finally got to our table, I pretty much lost it. Full on tears streaming down my face. I don't even know what that was all about, that kind of thing hasn't really happened to me before. You know, feelings. At least not enough to cause me cry in public like that. I felt like such an idiot. What the hell is going on? Am I getting more sensitive with age?

Saturday Morning

2009-02-07T16:33:00.002-05:00

BP was fooling around, playing with her new lens this morning. I was trying to stay out of the shots since I had bed head and was in my PJs. But she was shooting White Tornado in burst mode, and being a dog of perpetual motion she doesn't always stay in one place. And she love me. So, I ended up in frame.

I don't know what it is about that dog, but she can always make me smile.

25 Things

2009-02-05T10:22:00.002-05:00

Here are 25 things you may not have known, and may not care to know about me, but I'm posting them anyway. I make no guarantees that these 25 things are interesting or entertaining, but they are things that most of you may not have known about me.

1. I had a lazy eye as a young kid. In an attempt to fix my eye, I had corrective eye surgery when I was 3. It didn't seem to fix the problem. The next attempt at a fix was some sort of eye drops. The eye doctor didn't factor the dosage for a 5 year old. I OD'ed. I don't think I've ever been so sick in my life, and I will never forget it. The last attempt to fix my eye was an eye patch and bifocals for 2 or so years. After trying all these things without any success, my eye finally just stopped turning in on its own when I was about 8.

2. When I 6, I rode on the handle bars of my brand new bike while my best friend peddled. My dangling foot got caught in the spokes, bringing the bike to an abrupt stop,and catapulting us into the pavement head first over the handle bars. My foot was tangled up and stuck in the spokes. My dad had to come home from work to cut me free, and take me to the emergency room.

3. I have frequent nightmares about being trapped in a plummeting elevator. If stairs are a reasonable options, I will always take them instead the elevator. It should go with out saying that I hate that free fall feeling most people seem to enjoy, and I will never bungee jump or sky dive.

4. I can't maintain eye contact with anyone for too long. I get self-conscious and worry that my (lazy) eye will noticeably turn in. I can feel when it wants to drift, and I have to concentrate to keep if from turning in. So, if I break eye contact during a conversation and look down, that's almost always why.

5. I have wanted to learn to play guitar since I was a kid. I got a guitar for my sixth or seventh birthday, but no lessons. How is a kid supposed to learn to play music without lessons? I got an adult size acoustic guitar when I was in my early 20's and took a few lessons, but I didn't pick it up quickly so I gave it up. I bought an electric guitar about 8 months ago. I practiced for a while, but got busy and haven't picked it up in months.

6. I'm better than average at a lot of things, but I don't excel at anything.

7. During my college years, I developed a strange interest in wanting to play hockey and soccer. I finally laced up hockey skates and got out on the ice when I was 36 (thank you Sylvia and Phollower). I'm not very good, but it's so much fun that I really don't care that I suck at it. Someday I'll try soccer too.

8. I have a not so secret desire to be a roller girl. Betty Please has a not so secret desire for me not to. She is afraid I will get seriously injured.

9. My brother used to make me watch Godzilla movies with him when we were kids. I know he is happy living in Alaska, but I miss him terribly and wish he lived closer. I wish we could hang out all the time. I hate that I'm not going to be there to play a more active role in my nephew's life.

10. I've never figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I spent my entire youth sure I was going to become a veterinarian. During my first semester of college I realized that wasn't the career for me. I was lost after that.

11. I majored in biology. My area of concentration was ecology, evolutionary biology, and population genetics. I almost completed a second area of concentration in human genetics, but the thought of having to take one more (bio)chemistry course was more than I could bear at the time, so I didn't. I have minor in art and design.

12. My only regret in life is not taking a lab job one of my professors offered me on my graduation day. Hind sight is always 20/20.

13. I have this thing about sitting with my back to windows or doorways. I just can't. I'm fortunate to have understanding friends who accommodate my, uh, "quirks."

14. I often think about trying to get into grad school to get a Masters in evolutionary biology.

15. If I could be anything (had the brains and the talent), I'd be an architect.

16. I have an irrational fear of fish. Even little tiny guppy size ones. They just creep me right the hell out. For this reason, as much as I had at one time wanted to do marine mammal research, I never did, and never will.

17. I am a slow reader, I can't spell to save my life, when it come to grammar I massacre the English language, and I can't edit for crap, but I love to write. I have a secret desire to write a novel. I guess it's not a secret anymore.

18. I spent 3 summers working as a Girl Scout Camp counselor. My camp name was Lego. As in, lego of me.

19. I wanted a horse SO badly as a kid. I would have done anything to have one. I still love horses now, but I don't have the money, or the time that I think is required to own a horse. Maybe someday.

20. Despite that fact that chemistry and I share no strong bonds of love, I won a gold medal for qualitative analysis at Science Olympiad my senior year of high school.

21. I was a long jumper on my high school track team (longest jump, 16'4 3/4"), but I really wanted to be a hurdler. It wasn't until my senior year that my coach let me try it because we need a JV hurdler. I won my first race, and my time beat the winning varsity time. I ran varsity hurdles for the rest of the year.

22. Though I am a reasonably intelligent person, I fear that it's not completely out of the realm of possibilities that I could die trying to keep us alive during a zombie apocalypse, or some facsimile thereof. I worry much more about biological warfare than nuclear weaponry.

23. I chipped one of my front teeth when I was about 7. I had braces for 4 long years. While in braces, my other front tooth nearly got knocked out. After the braces came off, I got my chipped tooth fixed. Over the years the tooth that nearly got knocked out has become discolored, internal bruising or something. Anyway, I don't like to show my teeth when I smile because I am self-conscious about my tooth. I hate looking at pictures of myself if my teeth are visible because all I see is the discolored tooth.

24. A few years ago while in an airport, my folks saw a woman who looked just like me. They were going to go up to her and tell her, but they thought that would be weird to go up to a complete stranger and tell them that they look just like their daughter. Turns out the woman was Jodie Foster. I wasn't surprised. On a pretty regular basis, for most of my adult life, strangers would come up to me and ask if anyone had ever told me that I look just like Jodie Foster.

25. I feel lucky to have found the love of my life. She is the one thing in life I am certain about. When it becomes legal for us to marry, I'll make sure she has the wedding she always wanted. Which, I've heard would be in front of the Chagall windows at the Art Institute of Chicago.

honesty

2009-02-03T11:17:00.003-05:00

I love that Betty Please is as honest a person as I am. Last night we made a small trek, 130 miles round trip, to a camera shop to buy a lens that BP has been wanting. We picked up a couple other things while we were there too. As we were walking to the car, I asked her what the total ended being. Then I questioned if they charged us for everything, because the total was less than expected by about $20. After a quick look at the receipt, we discovered they hadn't charge us for one of the items. Without saying a word, we both turned around and headed back in to the store to pay for the item that didn't get rung up. The employees were more than a little shocked by our honesty. What can I say, that's just the kind of people we are.

L Word 603

2009-02-02T11:38:00.003-05:00

The whole Shenny thing is just not right. I did however thoroughly enjoy everyone's reaction to hearing the news that Shane and Jenny had hooked up. I think Alice's reaction was hilarious, the look on her face was priceless.
Did anyone else think it was funny that Shane was doing Eric Mabius's hair. You remember Eric Mabius, I mean Tim.

I also loved the nod to Leisha's Yoplait commercials, in the Alice-Shane scene at the Planet. You know the one, they are eating yogurt and Alice asks how Jenny was, and Shane says she was "better than expected, good."

I also got a kick out of Angela Robinson's guest appearance, pitching an idea to Tina. Or whatever it was they were doing when Tina got the Shenny news.

I love it when The L Word does stuff like that. That's probably why I actually liked so much of last season. I hate to admit it, but as much as I hate this season, I also love it.

Am I alone in this love-hate thing?

the ocean in a paper cup

2009-01-30T10:51:00.004-05:00

I love music that has really great lyrics. You know the kind music. The kind that gets in your head and whispers to your soul. The kind that you just can't help but sing along to, because for that fleeting moment you are that song. It becomes the essence of you. It seems funny to me though, that for all the songs that are, or have been, part of the soundtrack of my life, not many lyrics carry out of the moments they live in. For as much as I love a good lyric, I can only bring a few to mind that I hold on to, that exist outside of the song.

The one bit of lyrics that have never left me, comes from Hour Follows Hour, by Ani DiFranco.

why do you try to hold on
to what you'll never get a hold on
you wouldn't try to put the ocean
in a paper cup

These words may not mean much to anyone else. But to me, they serve to remind me to just let it go, to stop trying to understand things that I will never be able to grasp. It's not an easy thing for me. I need to, I have to, know why and how. Believe me, I've gone though more than a few paper cups in my lifetime. But those few words taken out of the context of their song, have helped me more books full ever could.

I have a few other favorites, but Ani's word are the one's you get for today. Well hell, I've probably got posts worth of favorite Ani lyrics, but anyway... What about you? Do you have a favorite lyric or two that you carry around?

Facebook and Me

2009-01-27T23:18:00.010-05:00

For months, Betty Please bugged me to join Facebook. Not because she really wanted me on Facebook, but because she wanted another "friend" for her collection. Yeah, she's cool like that. Anyway, I eventually caved to the peer pressure and joined, cause everybody's doing it, don't you know. Now the beotch won't even accept my request to add her as being in a relationship with me. She says it will be the kiss of death for us, and that I might as well just tattoo her name on my arm. Well hell, if I'd have known that's all it would take break us up after 16 years together...

BP loves Facebook, she's on it all the time. Me? Not so much. I'm still trying to figure out what the big deal is. I don't know, maybe I haven't really given it a chance. So, tonight I added some photos to my profile, and I decided to start writing those status update things. Perhaps greater involvement is the key to Facebook happiness.

Since Facebook people get to see me as my full dorkeh self, it only seems fair that you all do too.

Smirk Much?

I know, I know, how did I get to be SO cool.

Could I be anymore gay?

Is it bad that I haven't friended my mom when my brother, my SIL, my neice and all of my cousins have? And that the You're Related application thing keeps suggesting that I might be related to her, and I just ignore it.

How long will it take her to read this?

2009-01-27T12:47:00.007-05:00

BP was being a super goofy freak this morning. I threatened to blog her antics if she did not stop doing whatever it was she was doing.

me: Please stop doing that!
BP: What are you going to do if I don't?
me: I'm going to blog about what a freak you are.
BP: NO! You won't. If you do, it will be the last thing that you post because I'll break your fingers.
me: [laugh, laugh, laugh]
BP: Stop laughing. I'm threatening you with domestic violence.
me: I know. And I'm so scared. Now I'm totally going to blog about how you threatened to abuse me.
BP: No, you can't blog about that either.
me: Why not?
BP: Because someone might think I'm serious.
me: Who would actually believe you were serious about that.
BP: Who would actually think you ate a parrot? Remember parfinchen?
me: Okay, that was just funny. But mostly it was not clearly written.

I guess we'll find out if she's going to make good on her promise to abuse me. If she does, I hope she ties me up first. Though since she doesn't read my blog often, it might be month before she sees that she needs to follow through on her threat. The last time she caught up on reading my blog was about a month ago and she had to go back about 6 months worth of posts. How do I know she went that far back? She cried when she read the supportive comments you guys left on a post I wrote about her going through a rough spot of depression and anxiety. I thought she was mad at me for writing the post, but really she was just touched by you all.

L word 602 reaction

2009-01-25T21:52:00.004-05:00

Okay, first [insert long dramatic pause] Max. What. The fuck. I did not see that one coming. I suppose I should have. But really? I mean, really?

Shane and Jenny? Grrr! I don't even want to talk about it.

Bette and Tina? Oddly, sorta hot.

Alice? Freaking adorable. As always.

I know I'm going to be seriously pissed off at the way this whole thing ends. And why should I care? It's just a TV show. But for some dumb reason I do care.

2009-01-22T13:37:00.001-05:00

If you care to read more of my L Word rants, jump over to my post at BlogHer. It's up.

Lost, Burn Notice and The L Word

2009-01-21T13:36:00.004-05:00

Is anyone else excited that Lost starts tonight? It seems like I've been waiting forever for it to come back on. [Heavy sigh] Evangeline Lilly. Love her. While we're on the bad-ass hot chick note, you know what else starts this week? Burn Notice. Which, by the way, is awesome. If you aren't watching it, you should be.

Is it sad that I'm more excited about Lost and Burn Notice than The L Word? I mean I like The L Word and all, but the notion that one of them actually killed Jenny just bothers me. I can't even believe that any of them would still be friends with her after drastic change in personality she's gone through. And I really find it hard to believe that Shane, of all people, would have stuck around. And then, if you read L Word related stuff, you might have had the who done it aspect of the season revealed to you in the announcement about the pilot for the spin off. Either that, or they were brilliantly trying to mislead you in deducing who done it.

Oh! And what's the deal with Tina getting up on her high horse about cheating? Um, hello. Who the hell does she think she is. Was she not sleeping with Bette while Bette was still dating what's her name (the sculptor)? Jodie. That's her name. How is that any different. And was she also not the one who decided she was going to go back to hetworld for a while and try to remove parental rights from Bette. Bitch please! She has zero room to talk here. And really, the group would be divided between Shane and Jenny? I think not.

Look, I've Picked Up a New Hobby

2009-01-19T09:45:00.003-05:00

So I'm finally learning to knit. We went to lkmanitou's on Sunday afternoon for a knitting lesson. The photo is my first knitting project, a coaster, also known as a White Tornado chew toy. With this project we learned how to cast on, knit stitch, purl stitch, use place markers, and cast off. There are a few highly visible mistakes, but hey it's my first try at this. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Now I can see why knitting is so highly addictive for some. I can't wait to get home and get started on project. I'm planning on making some dish cloths using the same pattern as the coasters, only bigger. Until I've got this down, I like the idea of making something I can use, but don't really care if it isn't exactly perfect. Then BP wants a striped scarf (which she could just make herself since she also learned to knit yesterday), then it's on to the jammer hat I want to make from the Knockdown Knits 30 Projects form the Roller Derby Track book.

My Inner PB&J

2009-01-13T13:31:00.002-05:00

Your PB and J Says You're Demure and Dainty

Your eating style is reserved. You are a bit of a fussy eater, and you have very specific ways you like your food prepared.
You have an average sweet tooth. While you enjoy desserts, they aren't exactly your downfall.
Your taste in food tends to be quite eclectic and wide. You are an adventurous eater, and you like many types of cuisines.
You are probably a fairly normal, upper middle class person. You don't rock the boat too often.
You are a tough person who isn't afraid to live life fully. There isn't a lot that scares you.
Precise and controlled, you can be a bit anal retentive when it comes to how you like things. You're definitely a perfectionist.

What Does Your Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich Say About You?

I don't think I'd ever use the words demure or dainty to describe myself, but whatever. It's true though, sweets are not my downfall. Salt it. I love salty snacks. We have, what Betty Please likes to call, the"chipping hour" at about 10PM every night. And by we, I mean me. I don't know why, but I start craving chips every night at about the same time. I have very little will power when in comes to salty, crispy, crunchy goodness. It's like they sit in the cabinet and call to me. Try as I might, I just can't keep myself from giving in. Chips are my junk food weakness.

What's your junk food weakness?

2009-01-08T14:47:00.005-05:00

For anyone interested in reading something long winded and not at all funny (sounds appealing doesn't it? I should really think about a career in advertising), the mother-daughter post I was working on is now up at BlogHer. Holy crap, was that an emotionally exhausting post to write. WTF was I thinking taking on such a serious topic? I've definitely got to come up with something a little more fluff-like for next week. Maybe roller derby would be a good topic. What is it about lesbians and roller derby? It's like bugs to a zapper.

Any suggestions?

Freaking Dreams

2009-01-07T09:37:00.004-05:00

I've been having stressful dreams lately. They all seem to be guilt types of dreams. I don't know why, I haven't done anything to be feeling guilty about. This morning's dream was the worst. I had a dream that I was looking for Betty Please in a hotel. I opened a door to find man covered in blood standing behind her holding knife. She had not yet seen him sneaking up behind her. I frantically tried to signal for her to come to me. I thought if I could get her out, close the door between them, and hold it shut, she could run. But instead she turned around, saw the man with the knife and panicked. I yelled for her to come to me, I was only a few steps away, but she ran the other way and locked herself in a closet instead. He started towards me so I turned around and took off in a dead sprint out of there, but he didn't follow. As I was running away I heard the guy break through the closet door, and her scream and beg him not to kill her. I couldn't find anything to use for a weapon. I couldn't find a phone, or anyone to help. In fact, I was running in endless hallways reaching for locked doors. Then I started thinking that I shouldn't have run, I should have tried to fight him, maybe she could have escaped. I thought I should go back. But I was too scared. Then I woke up.

I can't believe I left her there alone to be killed by a psychopath. I know it was just a dream, but it makes me wonder what I really would do if we were ever in such a situation. I think the guilt of running away like I did in the dream would kill me. I don't know what that dream was all about, but it's made me feel like a horrible of a person.

2009-01-05T10:08:00.002-05:00

I could use your help. I'm writing a post for BlogHer about mother-daughter relationships; specifically, are they all complicated, or is just me/mine. If you've written about this topic (good, bad or ugly) or if you've got a link to someone who has, would you pretty please send it my way.

Buffy IV

2008-12-30T10:29:00.002-05:00

We are almost finished watching season IV of Buffy. 2 episodes to go, I think. I believe season four has been the best season so far. And I don't just think that because of the Willow/Tara relationship, though it doesn't hurt. I didn't think BP was as into Buffy as I am, but yesterday she told me she was wondering if the box sets were expensive because she was thinking she'd like to watch some of the earlier episodes again. Yep, she's hooked.

I already know something bad eventually happens with the Tara/Willow storyline, so I'm trying to not get too invested. I'm sure I'll still cry when the big bad thing happens. How many seasons were there? I am wondering how it all is going end. The series I mean. I'd rather it end heart wrenching than hokey. But don't tell me. I want to be surprised.

Speaking of endings...is anyone excited about the final season of The L Word? Spoiler alert-stop reading NOW if you don't want to know anything about The L Word. So, can I just say how freaking happy I am that Jenny dies. It seems a totally fitting end for her character. Too bad Shane gets mixed up with her first. I have never understood why Shane would hook up with Jenny. I don't get it. I don't want to get it. I should never happen. And that's all I've got to say about that.

A Not Nice Christmas Surprise

2008-12-24T23:38:00.003-05:00

Gosh darn mother f*$%ing neurotic little white dog! I'm trying not to swear, since it is Christmas and all, but gah! Damn it! While we were at BP's parent's tonight celebrating Christmas with them, as is our tradition on Christmas Eve, the f#$%ing white dog chewed up a book my cousin and aunt gave me for Christmas. But of course it's not just a book that I can go out and replace. Oh no. It' s book that my cousin, and her mom had made from Shutterfly for each of us in the family. My cousin spent months gathering family photos and recipes , and then putting it together as a book as a tribute to our grandparents (now both gone) and all of us. A celebration of our family. The dog didn't rip out any of the pages, but she chewed up, and ripped up the bottom half of the spine, and she left teeth marks all over the top corner of the the cover. So basicly, she ruined the cover.

This is the same dog who chewed up my autographed copy of Skinnier Faster Live, and my teeth, so you'd think I'd know better, right? I know you'll find it hard to believe that really is a pretty good dog, dispite her neurotic tendencies. But honestly, I never thought she would have chewed up that book. There are always books laying on the coffee table. Always. And she has never bothered them. Never. Not in 4 years has she ever bothered the books. Why, on the day she finally gets a hair to chew up a book, of all the books to choose from that are laying around the house within her reach, she decided to chew that one, I will never know. FUCK!

Anyway, I still have what's inside the book. That's what matters. Now the exterior is just...personalized.

Hope you all have a Happy Holiday, whatever holiday it is you and family celebrate.

Unmade Bed

2008-12-23T23:55:00.004-05:00

This is often what I find when I go upstairs to make our bed in the morning. Disgusting, isn't it?
These are 3 of the 4 who sleep with us at night too. Yes, it's crowded. No, I wouldn't have it any other way. Betty Please says she would, but deep down she knows she'd miss them if they weren't there hogging up the bed.

zippering

2008-12-22T21:50:00.002-05:00

zippering verb The act of fastening something with a zip closure. A less commonly used form of zipping.
Past tense: zippered
Used in a sentence: I'll give you a hand with that as soon as I'm finished zippering my jacket.

Contrary to what one would think, the act of unfastening a zip closure is to unzip. It is not to unzipper. Who would have thought?

Fellhammer, formerly known as Nate

2008-12-19T10:13:00.003-05:00

My friend Nate, lkmanitou's husband, has started a photo blog. He bought a nice digital camera last year, and has been spending his time learning how to use it. I like that he puts the camera settings used for the shot as part of the post. Maybe it's because I know him, but I think it will be fun to watch his talent progress.

If you want to check out Nate's photo blog, its Fellhammer's Photos. No, there are no pictures of any of the usual suspects there.

Oh yeah. And from now on, I will refer to Nate as Fellhammer.

Tangents

2008-12-17T10:30:00.005-05:00

After re-reading some of my latest posts, both here and at BlogHer, I started thinking that I could never be a programmer (I know, WTF is she talking about? Right?). At least not a web programmer; unless there are tags <tangent> and </tangent> to contain completely superfluous code, or <non sequitur> and </non sequitur> which would contain code that may or may not enhance or even have anything to do with the rest of the code, and certainly does not seem to logically follow the code that preceded it, but for some reason I felt it necessary to add.

As long as we're listing careers I shouldn't even think about, I should probably mark professional writer off that list too. Not that I am thinking about writing as a career; I'm just saying. I am NOT a good editor. I am horrible with punctuation, I can't spell, I change tenses within the same sentence, I am not efficient with words...need I go on? I don't even know what the point of this paragraph is really. I guess it's just a long intro for me to tell you that in order to ease reading of long run on sentences with crappy punctuation and no real point, I think I'm going to start using tags like <tangent>, </tangent>, <tnon sequitur>, </non sequitur>, <rant>, </rant>...you get the point right.

*editied* OMFG! When I went to publish this post, all of my fake code got taken out. So I had research how to display code in a post. In case you are wondering, you type &, the letter l, the letter t, and a semi-colon, with out spaces or comas in between, to get a <. To get a >, you type &, the letter g, the letter t, and a semi-colon. Now you know. You know, in case you are ever geeky enough to need to post code on your blog.

Coeficient of Friction

2008-12-17T09:56:00.004-05:00

Last night we watched Mama Mia! Here I go again. My, My, how can I resist you? Yeah, I'll have ABBA suck in my head all day. Anyway. While Betty Please was watching the credits, I got up to go get a drink or something. You know, as you do when you've been waiting for a movie to end so you can get up and do whatever it is that you've been needing to do for the last 30 minutes but haven't done because you don't want to miss anything, and even though you could pause the movie you don't. So while I was in the kitchen getting my long awaited drink, I heard the intro to Waterloo. Thinking that I'd be all cool and shit, and win some cuteness points, I thought it would be a good idea to run into the living room, slide (on the hardwood floor in my socks) past BP's chair, stop, spin around to face BP in just perfect time to sing the first line of the song. Instead, I ran in, used the wrong coefficient of friction for socks on hardwood floor to calculate the speed required for the desired distance to travel, attempted to slow myself in a hockey stop fashion, which why would that work because I still can't do hockey stops on ice with skates despite Sylvia and Phollowers best efforts, lose my feet out from under myself sending me now in a feet first slide on my side, which ended with me crashing into the front door just in time to turn my head to face BP and sing "My my, at Waterloo napoleon did surrender!" BP didn't even notice that I was singing because she was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.

While my execution was crap, I did win the cuteness points. Just not in the way I was hoping. Now I understand the need for rote memorization of things I always said I could just look up in a book when I need it.

edited* for those of you who might be worried that I was injured during this little escaped to woo my girl, only my ego was hurt. But how could I refuse? I feel like I win when I lose.

And no, I did not intentionally type that "I'll have ABBA suck in my head all day" Perhaps it's a subconscious typo, but not intended.

Gaymo Reviews: Zombie Strippers!

2008-12-16T10:43:00.004-05:00

I've been waiting to see the movie Zombie Strippers since I saw the preview about 6 months ago. Even though I don't really like what Jenna Jameson has done to herself, she looks awful now, I just couldn't resist wanting to see this movie. Last night I finally watched it. It was so bad that it was awesome. But come on, what's not to like? You've got zombies, and you've strippers. Then you've got zombie strippers.

Mix together the writing of a B monster movie with the writing of a porn, minus the sex, plus lots of gore, and you get Zombie Strippers. This movie doesn't try to be anything but what it is. The plot is simple: the government creates a reanimation virus so dead soldiers can keep fighting, they manufacture an "accident" so the virus gets out, the vector finds his way into private gentleman's club and infects stripper. Since the virus was designed to work so the reanimated body continues to do what it was trained to, the strippers just keep on stripping, breaking from time to time to feed on a patron. The strippers keep some level of cognition and don't attack their fellow strippers until a cat fight between two of the zombie strippers breaks out over who the star is.

The best line of the movie: "You're such a brown noser. Kat (Jenna Jameson, the first of the zombie strippers) says zombie, and you say how dead."

This definitely isn't a movie for everyone. But is you like bad zombie movies, watching strippers work the pole, and seeing hot chicks kick ass, then this movie is for you.

Tree-Hugger?

2008-12-12T16:59:00.004-05:00

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Tree Hugging Creative Extrovert

I guess there are no two ways about it, I must be a tree hugger. Every time I take one of these damn quizzes lately, I come out as a tree-hugger. I stumbled upon this quiz on Lachlan's blog, she's also a tree-hugger, I might add.

I would imagine that it pegged me as a tree-hugger because I checked that I recycle and that I take the stairs instead an elevator. Does recycling make you a tree-hugger? I thought it was like your duty as a citizen of planet earth to recycle. And of course, this stupid quiz doesn't know that I take the stairs instead of the elevator because I have an irrational fear of elevators breaking free of their mechanical controls, sending the elevator car plummeting to the ground, reaching terminal velocity before it crashes into the earth with such great force that it creates a giant crater where the floor of the elevator shaft used to be, sending a shock force through the rest of building's frame that will surely eventually lead to the collapse of the entire building, rending my body into an unrecognizable splatter of goo in the process. Or least that's how I imagine it.

Friends

2008-12-08T22:06:00.001-05:00

I have a question, or a few, for you guys. I can almost predict who is going to say what, but I'm interested in your answers. My question is, do you have a friend(s) out side of your relationship, who you do things with without your spouse, on a regular basis?

Betty Please and I don't really have friends who we aren't both friends with, or who we go out and do stuff with without one another on a regular basis. It's not that we don't have our own "things," that we do, like I spent several years working to develop the local dog park, and I (did/will again after baby) play softball and hockey. But I don't have a friend who just the two us go and do something for the afternoon without our spouses. If there would be someone, it would be Sylvia, but I think the four of us enjoy hanging out together so much that it's always the four of us. Plus, I just really like spending time with BP, so I don't really like to do stuff without her.

I've often wondered if this is just something particular to Betty Please and I and our relationship. Or maybe it's our friends, we all just click. Maybe it's a little of both. Or is this something somewhat common in longer term lesbian relationships.

9:22 AM

2008-12-05T14:25:00.002-05:00

I believe I might have mentioned that I'm not, I guess I should say we're not, morning people. It's a good thing our employers allow us to have a sort of flex schedule. Rather than the usual 8-5, we've taken on more of a 9-6 day. We usually have good intentions of making it to work by 8, it just never happens.

While waiting for my toast to finish toasting...at, oh about 9:10 this morning.
me: You know it's really gonna suck when we have kids. We're gonna have to get up early to get them ready for school.
BP: Or, we could buy them their own alarm clocks, teach them how to make toast and pack their lunches, and show them where the bus stop is.
me: yeah, and tell them to be sure to wake up their moms before they head out the door to catch the bus.
BP: we're gonna be such good parents.

On the way to drop Betty Please off at work this morning...
me: [glancing at the clock on the dash, which read 9:22 BTW] Wow. Seems sorta hard to believe that the alarm clock started going off 3 hours ago, doesn't it?
BP: [busts up laughing] Yes it does.
me: I don't even know why we set it so early. I think at this point in time we should give the illusion that we will ever leave the house for work before 8:45.

Seven! Seven! Seven! seven..

2008-12-04T17:51:00.007-05:00

So I took a "what's your spiritual number?" quiz, at blogthings today. I cracked up at my results. I'm a Seven! Seven!, Seven! seven...Why is seven so funny to me? Well, I'll tell you. Thanks to the Friends, see clip below, every time someone (as in, one of the usual suspects) says seven, we all stop and say "Seven!Seven!Seven, seven" and hold up 7 fingers at the end. Just like Monica in the end of the clip.

It was the graphic accompanying the answer that tipped it over the edge for me.

Your Spiritual Number is Seven

You bring knowledge and wisdom into people's lives.
You are an expert in many fields, and you give excellent advice.
Right now, your life is about perfecting your skill set.
You are almost a virtuoso at the thing you love best. With some practice, you'll get there.
You are highly intelligent and intellectual. You have profound analytical skills.
But you also have the soul of an artist. You long to create.

Kind of like how you add the words, "in bed" to the end of your fortune cookie fortune, I as always think "sex" when I read "the thing you love the most, or the best." So, yeah. I'm a virtuoso. You know. In bed. Wise and intellectual, with excellent advice and profound analytical skill? Not so much.

Second Guessing

2008-12-03T11:52:00.005-05:00

I saw this on Post Secret today, and I can't shake it. It is one of my greatest fears that my children will feel this way. I fear they will feel incomplete because they have no connection to the other biological half of them. I've gone back and for my whole adult life about us having kids, and is it fair? How would I feel in their shoes? I Is the loving home and support of family and friends that we can provide enough? Or will they grow up feeling they are missing part of their identity, and longing to know the man jerked off into a cup for money?

I know lots of people intentionally bring kids into all kinds of fucked up unstable homes, with all sorts of family structures and dynamics, but does that make what we are doing right? I really don't know what the answer is. Maybe we should reconsider what we are trying to do.

2008-12-02T10:47:00.002-05:00

I am not a morning person to begin with, but this cold weather is adding an extra degree of difficulty to getting my ass out of bed in the mornings. And it's not really that cold out yet, mid 20's (degrees F) plus some wind chill. I'm really feeling like a total wuss, I wore long johns today. What the hell am I going to do when it gets really cold out. I'm hoping that by the time it's 2 degrees, with a wind chill of 20 below, I'll be acclimated to the cold. Somehow I doubt that though. I am so freaking glad we spent the extra money to get the heated seats in our car. I will never buy another car without them.

The one cold weather bonus, Betty Please gets A LOT more snugly.

Mmm, pickles

2008-11-24T14:48:00.007-05:00

Quiz lifted from Grey Matters. For once we did not score the same on a blog quiz.

I do love pickles. Cucumbers too. But pickles are nice and salty. Mmm, mmm, good. You know what pickles are good on? A peanut butter sandwich. Not quite as good as peanut butter and tomato, but it's up there.

Mad Men

2008-11-21T13:00:00.003-05:00

We rented the first season of Mad Men, and we LOVE it! Holy cow though, the sexism, the rasims, the classism, the smoking, the drinking...is that really what life in the early 60's was like? It's pretty cool to see the cultural revolution begin to unfold. And that poor gay guy who works in that ad firm. I'm so glad to have been born when I was.

We are totally hooked on this show. I can't wait for season 2 to come out on DVD. Is anyone else loving this show too?

2008-11-19T09:31:00.003-05:00

I don't know why, but it have thing about taking pills with milk. I just can't. Bleck! So how horrifying was it this morning, to watch the love of my life give me a little devilish grin, and down a few pills with the milk from her cereal. The thought of it makes my skin crawl. She then proceeded to ask me how much that grossed me out. You know, not only did she take pills with milk, but with cereal milk. Lumpy, cereal chunky, milk. I think she much have a demon living in her.

Jizillion

2008-11-17T15:28:00.003-05:00

phollower: Are you still taking guitar lessons?
BP: No, I thought it would be a good time to take a break since my instructor left. I'll probably start up again when we don't have to spend a gazillion dollars a month for sperm.
phollower: I believe you mean a "jiz"illion dollars a month.
lkmanitou: A jizillion, that would be 10 to the 69th.

And if you didn't know that jiz is sperm, well, I guess you probably didn't find that exchange funny until just now.

So, once again, another month of fuck ups with the doctors office, so we missed our window for November. At least I knew it before I ordered the sperm this time. Why they waited to tell me, or didn't tell me, that the new doctor they were referring me to, won't work with the sperm bank we were using, is beyond me. The nurse at my doctor's office let it slip out casually while I was making arrangements for this month's IUI. She said the new doctor wouldn't use the bank we chose because they one time couldn't/wouldn't provide the paper work they wanted to prove that they had quarantined the sperm for 6 months, and that it had been screened for STDs. Whether it's just a turf war with this new doctor and that sperm bank, I don't know, but we decided to hold off this month until we figure out what we are going to do doctor wise.

I did find a doctor in town who would take us, but who knows if they would be any better than what we've been dealing with the last few months. We are leaning heavily towards going out of town to a fertility clinic some (straight)friends of ours are using. It seems like overkill, since our fertility issue is lack of sperm, but at least they know what in the hell they are doing.

It's funny how impatient you get about trying to get pregnant once you make the decision to start trying.

Who was the ad wizard behind this gem?

2008-11-14T13:32:00.004-05:00

Because I have a ginormous thing for Heidi Klum, like a really big thing for her..What was going say? Sorry, the thought train jumped the track. Right onto the dirty track. Honestly, no on should be that freaking HOT. And that accent of hers doesn't hurt either.

I'm no sure who the ad wizard was who came up this commercial, but she/he is a genius.

2008-11-14T09:25:00.002-05:00

BP hates it when I write posts like the last one. She doesn't want you all thinking she is some sort of mushy sap. I guess she'd rather you all think she is a vulcan or something. I don't know what's wrong with that girl, and I don't care. I love my mushy sap.

not routine routine

2008-11-11T23:04:00.003-05:00

After we got home from work today, I got my usual "I haven't seen you all day long, and I missed you" hug and such. It's funny, now that I think about it, we kind of have a routine; we walk in, put down our coffee travel mugs, walk past the stairs over to the coat rack, take off and hang up our coats/jackets/bags, and on the way back into the kitchen we stop in front of the stairs for a nice long hug and a kiss. Or three. Actually, it is always three kisses. Or six. Or nine. I don't know why, or even how that got started, but kisses must occur in threes. It's just some weird little thing of ours. If I had to guess, I'd say, get 2 OCD people together, and among other things, the result is kisses must occur in threes. As for why we stop in front of the stairs, I don't. know that either. Why not there? So that's our routine, but there is nothing routine or out of habit about it.

That took sort of a weird tangent from where I thought I was going with this. Anyway...while getting my nice long, much needed after work hug and three kisses,
BP: Mmm. You smell good.
me: I do?
me: What do I smell like? [wondering where I'd been, or if I had used some new product today that I smelled different from normal]
BP: You smell like you.

I smell like me. And she likes that. It made me feel all gushy inside. I guess she really does love me.

2008-11-06T13:31:00.002-05:00

I often think my life would be so much easier if I weren't an atheist. If only I could believe, perhaps then I could understand how one group's religious beliefs trump another groups civil rights. But I can no more make myself believe in god than I can control the weather, so I guess we can put that in the box of things I will never understand.

Since I doubt that everyone who reads this blog is an atheist, perhaps someone could explain to me why being godless is such a bad thing. I've heard a lot of name calling lately, and godless is usually one of the adjectives thrown out there like it's a bad thing. Does being godless make you less than persons of faith? Does it make you lack the ability to be fair and just, or kind and compassionate. Does believing make you inherently better person? I've seen a lot of evil thing perpetrated by persons of faith, using god as their justification.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having faith, or believing in whatever particular brand of religion you wish, I'm just saying that when it comes to talking about laws and constitutions and rights, I wish we could all have conversations which were based in secular reasoning.

Liberty

2008-11-04T09:52:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was a little bit of a sad day. My mom and dad had their black lab, Libery, put sleep. She was 12 1/2, and going down hill fast. Honestly, I can't believe they waited as long as they did. But dogs hide their pain, masking it with enthusiasm and affection. It does make this kind of decision tough to know when the time is right.

It's hard to believe it's been more than 12 years since they got Libby. I remember going with them to pick her out of her litter. She was the cutest little thing. Though I found her demand for affection a little annoying at times, she was a good dog. That dog has been through A LOT and kept on going, unphased.

I know she wasn't my dog, it's still sad. Libby was Buddy Lee's play mate when our dog of action was a puppy, and then too when got the white tornado. We dog sat for Libs quite a bit. And then of course she was always there, wanting to play ball when I'd visit my mom and dad. It will be strange for her to not be around.

I think the thing that makes me the most sad though, is that my parents didn't stay with her while the vet put her sleep. My dad said it was too hard for him. If I had known they weren't going to stay with her I would have gone with them and stayed with her. I know it's hard, but how could you not be there for your dog (or whatever your pet) in their last moments?

I started thinking how Buddy Lee, Dog of Action is only two years younger then Libs. I wonder how much time she has left. Will they be good years? Will it be a slow decline, or will it happen all at once. I know dogs won't live forever, I just wish they would.

White Tornado

Buddy Lee, Dog of Action

I just want to give them a scratches on their little dog ears and give them a big hug.

Civic Duty

2008-11-02T18:44:00.004-05:00

We weren't going to vote early, but we changed our minds. We waited in line for 45 minutes today to vote. It was an interesting experience. The early voting places that were open today, Sunday, were located in a few grocery stores around town. It was just sort of strange actually. But no matter, my vote counts just the same regardless where it was cast.

It struck me funny that we could vote on a Sunday. Our state has these stupid blue laws, like no alcohol sales, and no contract sales, as in automobiles or homes on Sundays. So it just seems sort of odd to me that we could vote on Sunday. But hey, I'm not complaining. Though maybe it's time to get rid of the blue laws. Or at least the one that prohibits alcohol sales on Sunday. That's just idiotic.

The other thing that's sort of odd about early voting in general, and maybe the law will change, is that on the official election day, alcohol sales are prohibited while the polls are open, but if you early vote you can bribe someone's vote with a beer or two. Isn't it about time to get these out dated laws off the books.

I'll leave you with one last thing that I couldn't believe someone who I used to consider intelligent said to me. Someone, I won't say who but if you've read my blog for any length of time you could probably guess, told me that "early voting is the Democrat's way of stealing this election." My reply was, "oh that's right, Republicans can only vote on election day. I forgot early voting is closed to everyone but democrats. Right." Now come on. Really? How could someone actually believe that? That is just about the most asinine thing I've heard in a long time.

If you haven't already done so, make sure you do you civic duty. Get out and vote!

No to Proposition 8

2008-10-30T23:49:00.003-04:00

I got nothing. But if you want a serious zoe post, my No to Proposition 8 post is up at Blogher.

2008-10-29T09:59:00.003-04:00

me: Well I didn't want to write about Proposition 8 for BlogHer, but I decided that I probably should. I have no idea what I'm going to say, or where to start.
BP: I think you should be against it.
me: Gee, thanks for clearing that up for me. Now that I know I should be against it, the post practically writes itself...Smartass!

I"m not real sure what's going on with me right now, but I seem to have lost my ability to blog. Or I guess I feel like I don't have anything interesting or unique to write about. Not that I really had anything interesting to say before, but I'm feeling pretty blah right now. Maybe it's just writers block. I want to write, but I'm drawing a blank. You know what I mean?

I should have known things wouldn't go smoothly

2008-10-21T11:55:00.005-04:00

I know many of you are probably thinking, "bitch, stop writing about your fears and thoughts about having children, and your trying to get pregnant," but I'm a little frustrated at the moment. I'm in a place where I'm not sure if I've lost site of the real problem, and am irked about everything that normally I wouldn't get worked up about, or if I should be ticked at the whole situation.

Silly us for going to a "fertility expert" (but not a fertility clinic) and thinking they'd know what the hell they were doing. I'm sure they're great for a heterosexual couple using their own genetic material, but they sure aren't so great for a couple using frozen sperm from a sperm bank. Here is a small list of what is pissing me off.

1. If my partner and I come in August for a 'what do we need to do and what's the plan meeting,' after being referred to you from an OBGYN who I saw in July, and we do everything you tell us, don't be shocked that I'm not too happy to find out that you didn't know that I needed to get screened for STDs and you didn't figure it out until it was a race to get the tests done before my ovulation day in October. I'm not pissed about the screening, it's not a bad idea I suppose, but you know, it would have been to have had it done way back in August.

2. When I ask you for information on how you need the sperm, and you tell me to talk to the sperm bank, and the sperm bank sells me IUI ready sperm that just needs to be thawed, I expect that you, the fertility doctors office can thaw sperm. The bank told me that anyone could do it. Apparently that's anyone but the fertility doctor, his lab, or the hospital. I'm not sure what is so difficult about setting the frozen sample in a 37 degree C water bath. That's 98.6 degrees F. Why is that so complicated that you thought I should pick up the sample to take to a different lab and then bring it back to you thawed. I especially don't get it, since the bank told me to set it out at room temp for 45 before use and it should be ready. I highly doubt that couples doing home insemination have a sophisticated water bath thawing system. While I'm sure the water bath is the preferred method, if room temp 45 minutes works too, what's the deal? Not to mention that I would think that people with as much science background as needed for a nursing degree or an MD could certainly figure out how to rig up a mock water bath, I know I could.

3. When I call your office on Thursday to let you know that I'm ordering sperm and that it will be there tomorrow, Friday, because I could need your services anytime between Friday and Tuesday, that might be the time to tell me that the office is going to be closed on Friday and that you can't or aren't willing to call the doctor on call to do an IUI on Saturday, even after you told me that they would do a Saturday insemination.

4. When I call the office to ask questions about LH levels and for how long they will be peaked in your system because I'm questioning a reading that I think is positive, but I'm not sure so I'm going to test again in 4 hours, I expect you to know the answer. And it would have been nice for you to call me back before a quarter til five to let me know that a) you don't know, but it's probably positive, and b)it doesn't matter because you're not going to set up a Saturday insemination anyway. Sorry, guess you'll just have to miss this month. Again, would have been nice to know you wouldn't set up a Friday or a Saturday appointment on Thursday when I called to tell that I was having sperm shipped to your office and would most likely be needing your services in the next few days.

5. So, yes I missed this month and had to ship the sperm back to the bank, and wasted a $150 on shipping that I wouldn't have had to spend had they told me that they weren't available when I needed them to be.

But to really top it all off, the doctor called me to apologize for the whole mess, and for not knowing that I had to be screened for STDs before he could use donor sperm for an IUI, and to let me know that he had resigned for the practice. The best part is, that didn't think that any of the other doctors in town would be comfortable taking us patients. But there was a fertility doctor who comes in once a month from a practice about 60 miles away, who he has talked to about us and who is willing to be our doctor. Which is great that he would take me as a patient and that my doctor found another doctor for me, but a)what does that say about the rest of the doctors in our town that they won't take me as a patient, and b)means we have to drive 120 miles round trip every month for insemination. The new fertility doctor is a partner in a private practice specializing in fertility, so lord only knows how much more expensive those office visits are going to be, plus add in the cost of fuel to make the trip, and holy christ I'm thinking this shit just isn't fair.

At this point, I'm irked at the whole situation. I don't think I'm being irrational about things, but maybe I am. When I think back to where the majority of the problems stem, it's with one particular nurse who is the one I talked to the day I ordered the sperm, and on Friday. The other nurse and the doctor have been bending over backwards to figure out how to solve the problem and help me out. I'm trying to filter through every thing to figure out what to do next.

We have picked a baby daddy

2008-10-16T12:26:00.002-04:00

We have finally picked a sperm donor. Today I ordered our first tries worth of the other half of our future children. It's left me with a really strange kind of a nervous-anxious feeling. I'm sitting here with the thought of "did we pick the right donor?, maybe we should have gone with number 97 instead. Or maybe 188, he was good too." Then there's the alarming, HOLY CRAP! Are we making a huge mistake, do we really want kids?, feeling running through my head right now. What were we thinking?! It's still not too late not go through with this.

Our first, of I'm sure many tries, will be sometime within the next 4 or 5 days. So, no more coffee, no more Coke, no more beer or bloody mary's for a while. I've already stopped playing hockey, which has been really tough. Thank goodness it's fantasy hockey and fantasy football season, at least I've got something to keep me occupied.

I don't know, it's all just sort of weird. But it's a good kind of weird, I think.

2008-10-08T13:41:00.002-04:00

I love fall, but the changing season is kicking my ass. Aside from being cold half of the time, when it isn't really that cold out, my head is THROBBING. I'm sure it's a barometric pressure thing, but holy crap I need a break from the pain. I've had this horrible headache for almost a week now and I'd do most anything to make it go away for good. I can get temperary relief with drugs, but the pain comes back when the drugs wear off. I'm so desperate I'd even try that headon, apply directly to the forehead, stuff. If anything good is to come from this, I have a new found respect for my mother. She has migraines 3-4 days out of the week. I really don't know how she handles that.

2008-10-02T12:01:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about religion lately. In particular, how are we going to raise our kids? With religion, or with out? It might seem like a strange question considering I am an atheist and Betty Please is an agnostic, but you can't escape the fact that religion impacts our lives regardless of whether you believe or not, and what brand you don't or don't practice.

Perhaps it's partially a control issue on my part. I was raised catholic, and I reject it, and all religion for that matter, from a very young age. I've spent my entire life seeking meaning and answers that I know I will never find. For me, god is not the answer. What does this have to do with anything, right? My fear is a 2 parter.

The first part of my fear is that my parents, the uber catholics, and Betty Please's parents, the not so uber catholics, will try to influence our kids to become catholic. I imagine that once my parents come around and stop being pissed that we decided to have kids, they will be involved grandparents. I hope that my folks will want to baby sit and have the kids spend the night with grandma and grandpa from time to time. But with that, I know that means my parents will take the kids to church with them. And what if the kids like it and question why we don't go to church, and can we go to church with grandma and grandpa? It makes me cringe to think about. Especially knowing that my partents go the most concervative catholic church around.

Part two come in to play once they get to be about college age. I can not tell you how many friends I watched get sucked into cult like religious groups because they were never raised with any kind of religion and they were searching for meaning. I would hate to see that happen to my kids. Not that it would bother me for them want religion in their life, but they could fall prey to a cult.

I don't believe there is a god, and I don't have or know all the answers in life. It's taken me a long time to accept that I will probably never know what it all means, but that's OK. I realize that the majority of people do believe in god, and that gives their life purpose and meaning. So I question whether it's fair for me to not expose my kids to religion. Not that I wouldn't teach my kids about all different sorts of religions, but that I more mean raising them with in the framework of a particular religion. What if they are the type of person who needs it? And here is where the control comes in to play, I'd rather expose them to religion by bringing them up in a church that is open and accepting, than have them be searching for meaning later in life leaving them vulnerable to the influence of grandma and grandpa, or some cult like religious group.

The thought of going to church, belonging to a church is not thrilling to me. In fact, it makes me a little sick to think aobut it. Good thing I still have a while before I have to worry about it. And maybe this will all be a fleeting thought altogether.

Buffy

2008-09-29T09:39:00.003-04:00

Being the big vampire nuts that we are, I'm not quite sure why we never watched Buffy. Buffy the movie is one of my guilty pleasures, so why I never watched the series is a mystery to me. Sure we've caught an episode or two in the past, but not enough to really follow the show. So about month or so ago we started renting Buffy starting with season 1, disc 1. We've been watching an episode or two a night and we're really getting into it.

Yesterday we were hanging out watching some season 2 Buffy. Betty Please wasn't feeling so well and she fell asleep while watching. I didn't want to watch too many without her, but figured I'd watch another episode or two while she napped. OK maybe 3 episodes. BP's nap turned out to be her calling it a day. In the mean time, an episode or two turned into, "well there's only 3 more left for season 2, and I just have to find out what happens." I just had to see the Angel thing resolved. Now I wish I would have waited.

Though I like to pretend that I don't have a heart, I'm kind of sensitive sometimes. I was crying like a fool at the end of the final season 2 episode. And I so wanted to talk to Betty Please about it this morning, but I can't because I don't want to ruin it for her. I just can't believe the way that ended.

I was so into finding out what was going to happen with Angel, that I totally forgot Dexter premiered last night. Geeze! I've been looking forward to Dexter for months.

Please don't ruin Buffy by telling me anything that happens after season 2, I'm not there yet. Dexter, we can discuss tomorrow.

News Flash

2008-09-26T14:35:00.002-04:00

As if this is even news. I think BP hit the nail on the head long ago, during this argument.

Your Mind is NC-17 Rated

You're mind is so filthy... you should should be washing every part of you out with soap.

If your thoughts can go dirty, they do. Almost everything is NC-17 to you!

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?